How can I remind them of other strengths when one thing fails? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child fails at something that is important to them, whether it is losing a match, not doing well in a test, or feeling rejected by friends, they can often see it as the end of the world. In their young minds, a single failure can overshadow every other skill or strength they possess. As a parent, your role is to gently remind them that one weakness does not erase their many strengths. The goal is not to deny their feelings, but to help them see the bigger picture of who they are. 

Begin with Empathy 

Before you can offer perspective, it is important to first recognise their disappointment. You could say, ‘I know you feel really upset because this did not go how you wanted. That is a completely normal way to feel.’ Acknowledging their hurt shows that you are not brushing their emotions aside and creates a space of trust. 

Balance the Setback with Their Other Strengths 

Once they feel heard, you can gently bring their attention to other areas where they shine. This helps them to understand that their worth is not tied to a single success or failure. 

• ‘You might have found maths a bit tricky today, but you are so wonderfully creative in your art.’ 

• ‘Even though you did not score a goal in the game, I saw how well you encouraged your teammates.’ 

• ‘I know it was hard not to be chosen, but remember how kind and thoughtful you always are to your friends. That is a beautiful strength to have.’ 

Use Evidence They Can See 

Children often believe what they can see. You can provide them with tangible examples of their capabilities. 

• Show them some of their past achievements, like drawings they have made or certificates they have earned. 

• Point out their small, daily successes, such as sharing their toys kindly or helping with a task at home. 

• Celebrate their qualities of character, like kindness, perseverance, and honesty, just as much as you celebrate their talents. 

Encourage a Growth Mindset 

You can help to reframe their failure as a normal and necessary part of learning. You might say: ‘Not doing well at something does not mean you can never do it. It just means you are still learning. Remember how much you struggled to ride your bike at first, but now you are so confident with it?’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘I am just bad at everything.’ 

Parent: ‘I know it feels that way right now because of what happened today. But let’s think for a moment. Who is it that makes your little brother laugh the most? You. And who drew that beautiful picture that is on the fridge? You did. You see? This one failure does not erase all of your other wonderful strengths.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that a person’s worth is not measured by their worldly successes, but by their faith, their effort, and the goodness of their character. Helping your child to see their strengths in this light will keep them hopeful, confident, and spiritually grounded. 

Allah Values Every Good Deed 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Zalzalah (99), Verses 7-8: 

‘Thus, everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is good shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment). And everyone’s actions equivalent to the measurement of an atom that is wicked shall be observed by them (on the Day of Judgment).’ 

This verse shows us that every good action, no matter how small it may seem, is valuable and recorded by Allah. You can tell your child: ‘Even if you are struggling with one particular thing, remember that Allah notices all of your other good deeds: your kindness, your patience, and all your efforts. With Him, nothing is ever wasted.’ 

True Strength Is Found in Good Character 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2612, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character.’ 

This hadith reminds a child that success is not only about skills or talents, but also about the person they are on the inside. You could say: ‘Allah loves your good character how you speak kindly, how you share with others, and how you forgive. That is one of your greatest and most important strengths.’ 

By grounding their identity in faith and character, children learn that one failure does not diminish their overall worth. Instead, it becomes a stepping stone for growth, while their other strengths, especially kindness, patience, and effort, continue to shine.