How can I frame disappointment as part of Allah’s plan gently? 

Parenting Perspective 

Disappointment is an emotion that every child experiences. It could be the sadness of losing a race, the sting of not being picked for a role, or the let-down of a cancelled trip. For children, these moments can feel overwhelming, and they may not yet have the tools to handle them. As a parent, your role is not to erase their disappointment but to help them see that such moments are not the end of the story. With warmth and care, you can show them that even when plans change, Allah’s love and wisdom remain constant. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings Before Explaining 

Before you can offer a spiritual perspective, your child first needs to feel that their sadness is understood and accepted. Begin with simple empathy: ‘I can see this has really upset you, and it is okay to feel sad.’ This creates a safe space for them to process their emotions. 

Use Relatable Analogies 

Children make sense of the world through simple stories and examples. You can use these to explain the concept of a divine plan. 

• ‘Remember when we wanted to go to the park, but it started to rain? We felt sad at first, but then we stayed home and had fun baking together instead. Sometimes Allah changes our plans because He knows what is best for us.’ 

• ‘Imagine you are standing in front of a locked door. You might feel sad that you cannot open it, but it might just mean that Allah wants you to find another door that is even better for you.’ 

Emphasise Allah’s Care, Not His Rejection 

Disappointment can make a child feel unloved or overlooked, so it is important to reassure them of Allah’s constant care. You can say: ‘Allah loves you no matter what happens. If something does not work out, it is not because He loves you any less; it is simply because He has a different and better plan for you.’ 

Guide Their Reflection After the Sadness Subsides 

Once their initial emotions have calmed down, you can encourage them to engage in some gentle reflection. 

• ‘What did this experience teach you about yourself?’ 

• ‘Is there anything you might try differently next time?’ 

• ‘What good things still happened today, even with this disappointment?’ 

Mini Dialogue Example 

Child: ‘I did not get picked for the play. Allah does not care about me.’ 

Parent: ‘I know you feel really hurt, and that is a normal way to feel. But Allah always, always cares for you. Sometimes He does not give us what we want right away because He has something even better planned for our future. It is just like when you kept falling off your bike when you were learning to ride it. The falls were not a punishment; they were part of you growing stronger.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

In Islam, disappointment is not a sign that Allah has withdrawn His love. Rather, it is a reminder of His perfect wisdom and an opportunity for us to grow in patience and faith. Children need this reassurance so that their connection to Allah remains rooted in trust and hope, especially during difficult times. 

Trusting in Allah’s Wisdom 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 216: 

‘…And perhaps that which you are repelled by (may in fact) be for your betterment; and perhaps that thing which you love to undertake, and that might be bad for you; and (the reality is that) Allah (Almighty) is fully aware of everything that you do not know.’ 

This verse can be explained to a child in a simple way: ‘Sometimes, what feels sad to us at the moment might actually be good for us in the long run, and what seems exciting might not be the best thing for us. Allah can see the whole picture, even when we cannot.’ 

Viewing Trials as a Sign of Goodness 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2396, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If Allah wants to do good to somebody, He afflicts him with trials.’ 

This hadith teaches us that hardships are not signs of being unloved by Allah. In fact, they can be a sign that Allah wants to bring us closer to Him and help us to grow. You can explain this to your child by saying: ‘When something does not go the way we hoped, it can be Allah’s way of helping us to become stronger and more patient, and He loves those who are patient.’ 

By combining empathy with these gentle reminders, you can show your child that disappointment is part of Allah’s care for them, not a rejection. They learn that Allah’s love is constant, even when life feels uncertain, and that every closed door may be leading to something better.