How do I help them express ‘I wish’ instead of ‘I hate’? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children feel frustrated, it is common for them to use strong, absolute words like, ‘I hate this game!’ or ‘I hate my brother!’ These statements often stem from hurt or disappointment rather than genuine hatred, but if left unaddressed, this type of language can become a habit. Teaching your child to replace ‘I hate’ with the softer, more constructive phrase ‘I wish’ can transform their expression from negative to proactive. This shift helps them to communicate their needs more clearly, reduces conflict, and is a significant step in developing emotional maturity. 

Validate the Feeling Behind the Words 

Before correcting the language, it is important to first acknowledge the emotion driving it. This shows your child that their feelings are understood, even if their choice of words needs guidance. 

• ‘It sounds like you are feeling really upset right now.’ 

• ‘I can see you are frustrated because that did not go the way you wanted.’ 

Introduce the Power of ‘I Wish’ 

Gently explain how different words can change the entire feeling of a sentence and the way others respond to it. 

• ‘When you say, “I hate”, it can sound harsh and push people away. But when you say, “I wish”, it clearly explains what you really want and invites help.’ 

• Offer them clear examples: ‘Instead of, “I hate this game,” you could try, “I wish I could win this game.”’ 

• ‘Instead of, “I hate when you do not listen,” you could say, “I wish you would listen to me.”’ 

Role-Play Using the New Phrases 

Practise using this new language during calm and playful moments. Role-playing helps the habit to form before a real conflict arises, making it easier for them to recall in the heat of the moment. 

• Pretend you are a sibling who has taken their toy. Encourage them to say, ‘I wish you would share with me.’ 

• Pretend you have just won a game. Guide them to say, ‘That was fun. I wish I could have another turn.’ 

Praise Their Attempts to Use ‘I Wish’ 

Whenever your child successfully uses the new phrase instead of resorting to ‘I hate’, offer warm and specific praise. Positive reinforcement is a powerful tool for making new habits stick. 

• ‘I loved how you said, “I wish,” just then. That showed real maturity.’ 

• ‘Thank you for telling me so clearly what you wanted. It really helped me to understand.’ 

Model the Language Yourself 

Children learn a great deal by observing the adults around them. Show them how you use ‘I wish’ to express your own mild frustrations in a healthy way. 

• ‘I wish I had a little more time to rest today.’ 

• ‘I wish it had not rained, as I was hoping we could go to the park.’ 

Teach Them That Words Carry Weight 

Help your child to understand that their words have the power to either heal or hurt. 

• ‘The word “hate” is very heavy and can make people’s hearts feel sad.’ 

• ‘The words “I wish” are much lighter. They open up space for kindness and solutions.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to use our words for goodness and to avoid speech that is harsh or harmful. Guiding a child to replace ‘I hate’ with ‘I wish’ is a practical way to train them in the Islamic principles of patience, respect, and gentle communication. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.’ 

This verse reminds us that our speech should always aim for what is best, because harsh words can open the door to misunderstanding and conflict, which the enemy of mankind seeks to encourage. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 48, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or remain silent.’ 

This profound hadith highlights the importance of mindful speech as a reflection of faith. For a child, it teaches that replacing a harsh word like ‘hate’ with a kinder phrase like ‘I wish’ is an act of good character. 

By grounding this lesson in faith, you show your child that language is not merely for communication; it is a direct reflection of the heart. Over time, they will learn that words can either hurt or heal, and that choosing gentle phrases makes them stronger, wiser, and more beloved to Allah Almighty.