What do I say to teach that crying is not weakness? 

Parenting Perspective 

Many children are raised with the idea that crying is a sign of being ‘babyish’, ‘weak’, or ‘not brave’. This message can come from peers or even well-meaning adults who say things like, ‘Big kids do not cry’. Over time, this belief can cause children to suppress their emotions or feel ashamed of their natural sadness. Teaching your child that crying is not a weakness, but a healthy and necessary expression of feelings, is crucial for building their emotional honesty, resilience, and empathy. 

Normalise Crying as a Human Response 

Begin by explaining that crying is a natural physical response, not a personal flaw. This reframes the act as part of the human experience, removing the associated embarrassment. 

• ‘Crying is one of the ways your body shows how it is feeling inside.’ 

• ‘Everyone cries sometimes: children, grown-ups, and even the strongest of people.’ 

Share Positive Messages About Tears 

Actively replace the negative labels your child may have heard with positive and affirming ones. This can turn what they once viewed as a weakness into a sign of inner strength. 

• ‘Crying shows that your heart is alive and caring.’ 

• ‘Tears mean you are brave enough to show your true feelings.’ 

Use Everyday Examples of Crying 

Help them understand that tears are not just for sadness by pointing out the many situations in which people cry. 

• People cry when they are overwhelmed with happiness, such as at a wedding. 

• People cry when they feel deeply proud, like parents at a graduation ceremony. 

• People cry when they are sad or have been hurt. 

These examples demonstrate that tears are a normal part of the full spectrum of human emotion. 

Model a Healthy Acceptance of Tears 

When you feel emotional, allow your child to see you express it in a healthy way. Seeing you manage your feelings calmly teaches them that crying is a safe and acceptable response. 

• ‘I felt sad about something today and shed a few tears. It helped me to feel much lighter afterwards.’ 

• Avoid hiding your own tears, as this can inadvertently send the message that they are something to be concealed. 

Encourage Words to Accompany Tears 

Guide your child to connect their crying with words, which helps them to process the feeling and communicate it to others. 

• ‘I am crying because I feel so disappointed right now.’ 

• ‘These are tears of frustration because I cannot get this right.’ 

This practice gives meaning to their tears and prevents emotions from remaining unspoken. 

Reassure Them That Strength and Tears Coexist 

Make it clear that crying and being strong are not mutually exclusive. True strength is not the absence of emotion, but the ability to carry it with dignity. 

• ‘You can cry and still be an incredibly strong person.’ 

• ‘Real courage is about showing your feelings, not hiding them away.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam honours the expression of sincere emotion, showing us that even the strongest and most pious hearts cried in moments of grief, mercy, or profound closeness to Allah Almighty. From this perspective, crying is not a weakness but a reflection of sincerity, humility, and compassion. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 109: 

‘And they fall on their faces, weeping, as this increases their humility.’ 

This verse teaches that, far from being a weakness, the act of weeping in a state of faith is a sign of humility and a means of drawing closer to Allah. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1305, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Two eyes will never be touched by the fire of Hell: an eye that weeps from the fear of Allah and an eye that spends the night guarding in the cause of Allah.’ 

This powerful hadith elevates sincere tears to a level of worship, portraying them as a source of immense reward and divine protection. For a child, this shows that crying can be an act of spiritual strength. 

By sharing these teachings, you show your child that tears are never shameful. They are signs of a soft heart, a caring spirit, and at times, a means of earning great reward from Allah. Over time, they will grow into young believers who can embrace their emotions with honesty, knowing that crying is not a weakness but an expression of their humanity.