What should I do when they bottle up feelings after rejection? 

Parenting Perspective 

Rejection is a painful experience for any child, whether it comes from not being chosen for a team, being turned away by a friend, or feeling overlooked by a teacher. While some children express this pain openly, others retreat inwards and suppress their emotions. They might become quiet, avoid the topic, or insist, ‘I am fine’, while clearly hurting. Suppressing feelings can make the sadness feel heavier, sometimes leading to anger, low self-esteem, or withdrawal. Your role is to create a safe and gentle space where those feelings can be shared, processed, and understood. 

Notice the Signs of Suppressed Emotions 

Children may not always tell you they are sad, but their behaviour can offer clues. Look for subtle changes such as: 

• Becoming unusually quiet or withdrawn. 

• Actively avoiding the topic of what happened. 

• Appearing fine on the surface but showing uncharacteristic irritability. 

Recognising these signals allows you to offer support before their feelings become overwhelming. 

Create a Gentle Opening for Conversation 

Instead of asking a direct question like, ‘Are you sad?’, which might put them on the defensive, try a softer, more inviting approach: 

• ‘I have noticed you have been a little quiet since yesterday. Is there anything you would like to talk about?’ 

• ‘Sometimes when things do not go how we hoped, it can feel heavy inside. I am here if you ever want to share.’ 

This shows that you are available without pressuring them to speak. 

Offer Alternatives to Talking 

Some children find it easier to express themselves through non-verbal means. You can encourage them to: 

• Draw or write about what happened and how it felt. 

• Use toys or role-play to act out the situation. 

• Refer to a feelings chart to point to emotions they cannot yet name. 

Model Emotional Honesty Yourself 

Demonstrate that sharing vulnerable feelings is a normal and healthy part of life. 

• ‘I remember a time when I was not chosen for something, and it made me feel quite sad. Talking about it helped me to feel lighter.’ 

• Share simple, age-appropriate examples of times you felt rejected but chose to express it rather than hide it. 

Equip Them with a Vocabulary for Rejection 

Sometimes, children suppress emotions because they simply lack the words to describe their experience. You can give them the tools they need by teaching them phrases like: 

• ‘I felt left out when I was not chosen.’ 

• ‘It hurt my feelings when they did not want to play with me.’ 

• ‘I felt so disappointed when I was not picked.’ 

Be Patient and Consistent in Your Support 

Not all children will open up immediately. The most important thing is to remain a warm and available presence without pushing for a conversation. 

• Offer a hug or suggest some quiet time together, perhaps reading a book. 

• Reassure them by saying, ‘You do not have to talk about it right now, but please know that whenever you are ready, I will be here to listen.’ 

Your consistent patience will show them that their feelings are always safe with you. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that rejection and hardship are a natural part of life’s tests, but they never diminish a believer’s worth in the eyes of Allah Almighty. Even when people overlook us, our Creator never does. Sharing this perspective can help your child understand that their pain is always seen and valued, making it easier to express rather than suppress. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 51: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “No calamity (or difficulty) shall ever befall upon us, except what has been decreed by Allah (Almighty); He is our Lord, and so the believers place their full reliance upon Allah (Almighty)”.’ 

This verse is a powerful reminder for a child that rejection is not a random misfortune but part of Allah’s decree, and His protection remains with them throughout the experience. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5641, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.’ 

This hadith teaches that every feeling of sadness, rejection, or suppressed pain has spiritual significance. It helps a child to know that their hurt is never wasted; Allah Almighty can transform it into forgiveness and reward. 

By sharing these truths, you help your child see that their feelings are safe to share and that even when they feel rejected by others, they are cherished by Allah. They learn that sadness is not a weakness to be hidden, but a part of being human, and that expressing it can bring comfort, healing, and closeness to their Lord.