How can I help when a sibling gets more attention on a given day? 

Parenting Perspective 

In any family with multiple children, there will inevitably be days when one child receives more attention than the others. This could be because of an illness, a special school performance, a birthday, or a competition. While the focus may be entirely justified, the other child can feel ignored, jealous, or even unloved. Their reaction might manifest as sulking, misbehaviour, or hurtful words like, ‘You only care about them.’ Your role is to address these feelings without making them feel guilty, reassure them of your unconditional love, and teach them that love is not a finite resource. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings Calmly 

When a child feels overlooked, dismissing their feelings will only intensify the hurt. Instead of saying, ‘Do not be silly, of course I love you,’ it is far more effective to respond with empathy: 

• ‘I can see it feels difficult when your brother is getting so much attention today.’ 

• ‘It is okay to feel left out sometimes; those feelings are completely normal.’ 

By validating their emotions, you help them feel seen and valued, even when the spotlight is elsewhere. 

Reassure Them of Unchanging Love 

It is crucial to make it clear that while parental attention can shift based on daily needs, your love for them remains constant and absolute. You can say: 

• ‘Even though I am spending more time with your sister today because she needs me, I love you just as much as I do every single day.’ 

• ‘My love for you does not run out. I have more than enough for everyone in our family.’ 

Children need these regular verbal reminders that affection is not divided between them, but multiplied for each of them. 

Explain the Reason for the Shift in Attention 

Offer a simple, direct explanation for why one sibling requires more focus, without over-justifying your actions. For example: 

• ‘Today, your sister needed me a little more because she was not feeling well.’ 

• ‘Your brother had his important school event, so I had to be there to support him. Soon, I will be there for your special day, too.’ 

This helps your child understand that these shifts are situational and temporary, not a reflection of favouritism. 

Create Special Moments of Connection 

Even very small, intentional gestures can powerfully reassure a child of their unique place in your heart. These can be simple but meaningful: 

• A bedtime story read alone, just for them. 

• A short, private walk or a quiet chat about their day. 

• Letting them choose a family activity to do later in the week. 

These dedicated moments rebuild their sense of security and belonging. 

Nurture Patience and Empathy 

Guide your child to see the bigger picture: that today’s focus on a sibling does not signify permanent neglect. This is an opportunity to teach emotional intelligence. 

• ‘Sometimes, we have to give more care to the person who needs it most. One day, that person might be you, and your sibling will be there to support you.’ 

• Encourage them to celebrate their sibling’s achievement, reminding them that their own special moments will come. 

This approach helps to minimise rivalry and foster a supportive family dynamic. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam champions the principles of fairness, kindness, and justice within the family. At the same time, it acknowledges that life’s circumstances will sometimes demand a different distribution of our attention. The ultimate goal is to ensure that every child feels secure in the knowledge that they are deeply loved and valued. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse reminds us that justice and goodness are foundational to family life. For a child, it reinforces the idea that even when attention shifts, the principles of fairness and love remain paramount. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2587, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Fear Allah and be just with your children.’ 

This powerful hadith underscores the parental duty to strive for fairness. While one child may need more practical attention on a given day, ensuring each child feels equally loved is a matter of justice in the sight of Allah Almighty. 

By sharing these teachings, you can help your child understand that fairness does not always mean ‘exactly the same in every moment’. Instead, it means ensuring that every child consistently receives the love, support, and care they need to thrive. 

Over time, your child will learn that while daily attention may fluctuate, their worth and place in the family are secure. With your constant reassurance and reminders of Allah’s justice, they will grow into believers who value patience, practise empathy, and understand that love is not diminished when it is shared; it only multiplies.