How do I guide them when they don’t get the role they wanted in school? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child auditions for a role in a school play, presentation, or performance, they often set their heart on a particular part. Not being chosen for that particular role can feel devastating, like a personal rejection of their talent or importance. They may say things such as “I am not good enough” or “The teacher does not like me.” As a parent, you must help them to process their disappointment, see the bigger picture, and use the experience as an opportunity to build resilience, humility, and adaptability. 

Acknowledge Their Disappointment With Warmth 

Begin with empathy rather than correction. Instead of saying “Do not be so upset, it is just a role,” you could try: 

• ‘I know you were really hoping for that part, and it must feel so hard not to get it.’ 

• ‘It is normal to feel disappointed. It just shows how much you cared about it.’ 

This simple act of validation helps them to feel heard and reassured. 

Reframe the Value of Every Role 

Explain that every single part, no matter how small, contributes to the success of the overall play or event: 

• ‘A performance cannot run with just one main character. Every single role is needed to make it complete.’ 

• ‘Sometimes smaller parts can leave a bigger impression on the audience because of how well they are performed.’ 

This helps them to see the dignity and purpose in whatever role they have been given, no matter how small it may seem. 

Highlight the Skills They Are Developing 

Remind your child that even if the role was not their first choice, they are still learning valuable skills and growing as a person: 

• ‘This part will give you a wonderful chance to practise your confidence and your ability to work as part of a team.’ 

• ‘The more different roles you try, the more versatile and skilled you will become.’ 

This powerful reframing helps to turn their disappointment into an opportunity for growth. 

Share Examples of Unwanted Roles Leading to Growth 

You can give them some real-life or personal stories to provide perspective: 

• Talk about famous actors who started their careers with very small roles but later became stars. 

• Share stories from your own life when not getting what you wanted actually opened up a better and more suitable door for you. 

• Give examples of their classmates or siblings who have shone brightly in unexpected positions. 

These stories help to normalise disappointment and inspire a healthier, long-term perspective. 

Teach Grace in Their Public Response 

You can coach your child on how to handle the situation with maturity and good character: 

• Encourage them to congratulate the classmates who were chosen for the main roles. 

• Remind them to smile and show a willingness to do their very best in their own assigned role. 

• Help them to remember that what other people notice most is how they carry themselves, not just the part they play. 

This helps to build their emotional intelligence and earns them social respect. 

Support Their Confidence at Home 

Make time to celebrate the courage it took for them to audition in the first place, and offer to practise with them for their assigned role. When they see that you are proud of their effort, and not just the outcome, it helps them to regain confidence in themselves. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that whatever we are given, whether it is opportunities, roles, or recognition, is always decreed by Allah Almighty with perfect wisdom. Sometimes we may desire something very deeply, but Allah Almighty withholds it from us in order to guide us toward an even greater benefit. Teaching your child this truth helps them to accept their disappointments at school with trust and patience. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 216: 

‘…And perhaps that which you are repelled by (may in fact) be for your betterment; and perhaps that thing which you love to undertake, and that might be bad for you; and (the reality is that) Allah (Almighty) is fully aware of everything that you do not know.’ 

This verse reminds us that not getting what we want can often hold a hidden goodness. For a child, this means that not getting the role they had wished for may be Allah’s way of protecting them from something unseen or preparing them for something even better. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2664, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A strong believer is better and more beloved to Allah than a weak believer, while there is good in both. Strive for what benefits you, seek the help of Allah, and do not give up.’ 

This hadith teaches that true strength is found not in always achieving what we desire, but in continuing to strive, being patient with the outcome, and trusting in the wisdom of Allah Almighty. 

By sharing these teachings, you help your child to see that their worth is not tied to the size of a role in a play, but to their sincerity, patience, and effort. They learn that disappointment is not the end of their story, but a chance to build resilience and humility. 

Over time, they will grow into confident young believers who understand that the choices of Allah Almighty for them are always better than their own. They will learn that true success is found not in being the centre of attention, but in their effort, their gratitude, and their unwavering trust in Him.