What do I do when a promised treat is no longer possible? 

Parenting Perspective 

For children, a promised treat, whether it is an ice cream after school, a trip to the park, or a toy they have been eagerly anticipating, carries great emotional weight. It is not just about the treat itself, but about the excitement of looking forward to it, the sense of security in your promise, and the trust they place in your word. When circumstances make it impossible to deliver on that promise, their disappointment can feel enormous. They may cry, sulk, or accuse you of being unfair. As a parent, how you respond in these situations can shape not only how they handle disappointment, but also how they learn about trust, honesty, and resilience. 

Acknowledge Their Disappointment Without Making Excuses 

Children need to feel that their sadness is seen, not brushed away. Instead of saying “It is just a small thing, do not cry,” you could try: 

• ‘I know you were really excited about this treat, and it is hard that it is not happening now.’ 

• ‘It is okay to feel upset. I understand you were really looking forward to it.’ 

This shows empathy and validates their feelings, which helps them to process the letdown in a healthy way. 

Be Honest About Why the Plans Changed 

Explain the reason for the change clearly, but keep your explanation simple and truthful: 

• ‘The shop was closed when we got there, so we could not get the ice cream today.’ 

• ‘I really thought we could go, but something urgent came up that I had to deal with.’ 

This reinforces the value of honesty and shows that the promise was not broken out of carelessness, but because of real and unavoidable obstacles. 

Reassure Them That Your Word Still Matters 

A child might feel that one cancelled promise means they can no longer rely on you. It is important to restore their trust: 

• ‘Even though today did not work out, I will make sure we plan another special treat very soon.’ 

• ‘When I promise you something, I truly mean it. Sometimes things happen that are out of my control, but I will always do my best for you.’ 

This teaches them an important life lesson: that sometimes promises cannot be kept, not due to neglect, but due to the simple unpredictability of life. 

Offer Alternatives to Ease the Letdown 

While the original treat may no longer be possible, small gestures can help to soften the disappointment: 

• Play a favourite game with them. 

• Share a different snack or enjoy a fun activity at home that feels special. 

• Involve them in choosing and planning what the “next treat” will be. 

This helps to shift their focus away from the immediate sense of loss and towards a feeling of hope, showing them that joy can still be found. 

Teach Flexibility and Gratitude 

You can use this moment to guide them to see that not every plan will work out, and that this is a normal part of life: 

• ‘Sometimes we do not get what we expect, but we can still enjoy and appreciate the things that we do have.’ 

• Encourage them to name one other thing from their day that they are grateful for, even without the treat. 

This helps them to practise the valuable skills of patience and gratitude instead of simply sitting in their frustration. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that while we may make plans, only Allah Almighty has ultimate control over the outcomes. Sometimes our plans change because Allah, in His infinite wisdom, has decreed something different for us. This may hold a hidden good that we cannot yet see. Teaching your child this perspective helps them to accept life’s inevitable changes with patience and trust. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verse 27: 

‘And if Allah (Almighty) were to extend (infinitely) the provisions for nourishment for His servants, there would be chaos on Earth; and that is why He transmits what He desires in proportionate measures; indeed, He is All Cognisant and All Seeing over His servants.’ 

This verse teaches that Allah Almighty gives and withholds according to His perfect wisdom. It is a reminder that sometimes what we hope for is delayed or withheld for reasons that are part of a greater wisdom we cannot yet see. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4031, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people, He tests them. Whoever accepts it wins His pleasure, but whoever shows discontent earns His wrath.’ 

This hadith can help a child to understand that even very small tests, such as missing out on a promised treat, are opportunities to practise patience and thereby earn the pleasure and reward of Allah. 

By framing the moment in this way, you help your child to see that their patience is more valuable than the treat itself. They learn that while life will not always give them what they expect, the wisdom and reward of Allah Almighty are far greater. 

Over time, your child will grow to understand that trust is not only about promises kept by parents, but also about a deeper trust in the decree of Allah Almighty. They will learn to accept disappointment with grace, gratitude, and faith, which are qualities that will serve them far beyond the small promises of childhood.