How can I stop comparisons with teammates who improve faster? 

Parenting Perspective 

In team settings be they sports, arts, or academics children inevitably measure themselves against their peers. When teammates improve more rapidly, children may begin to internalise the belief that they are “behind,” “less talented,” or even “a failure.” This corrosive mindset can quickly escalate into jealousy, discouragement, or the desire to quit entirely. As a parent, your primary function is to steer them away from unhealthy comparisons and towards valuing their own consistent, steady progress. 

Acknowledging Their Feelings Honestly 

When your child expresses frustration, saying, for example, “They are better than me, I will never catch up,” do not dismiss their feelings with a generic, “Do not worry, you are just as good.” Instead, meet them with empathy: 

• “I can see it feels frustrating when others seem to improve faster.” 

• “It is normal to notice differences, but it does not mean you are not doing well.” 

This validation makes them feel heard and creates a secure emotional space for guidance. 

Reframe Progress as a Personal Journey 

Children often perceive progress as a race. Help them to understand that growth is inherently individual: 

• “Everyone learns at a different pace; your journey is not meant to look like theirs.” 

• “What matters most is how much better you are today than yesterday, not how fast someone else improves.” 

This strategy successfully shifts their focus from competition with peers to self-improvement. 

Highlight Their Strengths Beyond Speed 

Even if others excel faster in one specific area, it is vital to remind your child of their own unique qualities: 

• “You may take longer, but you are careful and consistent.” 

• “You are also great at encouraging teammates, which makes you very valuable to the team.” 

By pointing out diverse strengths, you prevent them from mistakenly measuring their entire self-worth by a single skill set. 

Teach Practical Strategies Against Comparison 

Give them tangible tools to anchor their focus on personal growth: 

• Personal Records: Encourage them to track their own times, scores, or skills, and celebrate specifically when they beat their own previous best. 

• Reflection Journals: Encourage them to record small weekly achievements, no matter how minor the accomplishment. 

• Milestone Celebrations: Create family rituals to mark their progress, such as completing a new skill. 

• Positive Self-Talk: Coach them to use affirmations like, “I am running my own race.” 

These strategies help them remain anchored in their own growth. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that Allah Almighty has created every single person with unique strengths and individual timelines. Comparison frequently leads to envy and despair, whereas gratitude and patience cultivate inner peace. Guiding your child to root their growth in faith allows them to understand that sincere, steady effort, not competition with peers, is what holds true significance. 

Trusting Divine Wisdom in Provision and Talent 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 71: 

‘And Allah (Almighty) has preferred some a few over others in the provisions (of this world); but those people who have been preferred (in this way), do not share their provisions, even with those people that they are legally bound to (provide for), in case (it was deemed) that they had become equal to them; then is it the benefactions of Allah (Almighty) that they discard?’ 

This verse reminds us that differences between people are part of Allah’s wisdom. Just as provision varies, so too do talents and the speed of personal growth. Every person’s path is uniquely designed by Allah Almighty. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Guidance on Gratitude 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 466, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not look to those above you in wealth, for it will make you belittle the favours of Allah upon you. Rather, look to those below you, for it will help you appreciate what you have.’ 

This hadith on wealth extends equally to skills and talent. Teaching your child not to constantly compare themselves with “faster” teammates, but instead to appreciate their own unique progress, fosters gratitude and deepens self-respect. 

By grounding them in these teachings, you demonstrate to your child that comparisons rob them of joy, while focusing on their own path brings both growth and peace. They will learn that their inherent value does not lie in keeping pace with others, but in striving sincerely, improving steadily, and trusting Allah Almighty’s wisdom in shaping their distinct journey. Over time, they will embrace the mindset that being slower is not failure; it is simply their personal pace. And with consistency, faith, and patience, they will discover strength not in being first, but in never giving up.