What can I do if they want to quit because they aren’t the best? 

Parenting Perspective 

Many children constantly compare themselves with others. If they notice a teammate running faster, a classmate scoring higher, or a peer receiving more praise, they can feel deeply discouraged. For some, this disappointment turns into a strong desire to quit altogether. They think, “If I am not the best, what is the point?” This is a dangerous mindset because it ties their value to perfection and robs them of the joy of growth. As a parent, your role is to help them to understand that life is not about always being the best, but about learning, improving, and showing resilience. 

Acknowledge Their Feelings Without Dismissal 

If your child says, “I am not as good as the others, so I want to quit,” avoid instantly responding with, “Do not be silly, you are great.” Instead, it is better to listen and show empathy: 

• ‘It must feel very frustrating to see other people who seem to be ahead of you.’ 

• ‘I can understand why you would feel like giving up when it seems so hard.’ 

Acknowledging their struggle helps them to feel heard and supported, rather than simply being pressured to continue. 

Reframe Success Beyond “Being the Best” 

Explain that true success is not always about being the top performer, but about giving one’s own personal best: 

• ‘Being the very best is not always the main goal. The real goal is improving yourself.’ 

• ‘Even taking small steps forward shows real progress and strength of character.’ 

This helps to shift their focus away from comparing themselves with others and towards focusing on their own growth. 

Highlight the Value of Persistence 

Tell them stories or gently remind them of times in their own life when they improved at something simply because they did not give up: 

• ‘Do you remember when you found maths so hard at first, but now you have become so much better because you kept trying?’ 

• ‘If you had quit back then, you would not have discovered how much you were truly capable of achieving.’ 

This shows them that persistence often matters far more than a person’s initial, raw talent. 

Teach That Everyone Has Different Strengths 

Help them to see that no single person excels in every area of life: 

• ‘Some people are faster, some are stronger, and some are more creative. That does not make any one person less valuable than another.’ 

• ‘Your unique strength might shine in a completely different area, and that is something special too.’ 

This helps to balance their perspective, preventing them from defining their entire self-worth by a single comparison. 

Provide Practical Strategies to Manage Discouragement 

• Set smaller goals: Instead of them aiming to be the best, help them to focus on beating their own last score or personal timing. 

• Celebrate effort: Make a point of praising them for trying, for showing up, and for putting in the work, not just for the final results. 

• Encourage variety: If one activity feels overwhelming for them, let them try other things to find where they can enjoy the journey of learning the most. 

• Model humility: Show them that you too are not the best at everything, but that you continue to enjoy learning and trying new things. 

Show That Quitting Ends the Opportunity for Growth 

Gently explain that while quitting might offer some temporary relief, it also closes the door on any chance of future improvement: 

• ‘If you stop now, you will never get to find out how far you could have gone.’ 

• ‘Every time you continue, even when it is tough, you grow stronger, not just in the activity but in life.’ 

This helps them to understand that resilience itself is a powerful form of success. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our sincere effort, not the final result, is what truly matters. Allah Almighty does not demand perfection from us, but He values our sincerity, our patience, and our striving. If a child only learns to value themselves when they are ‘the best’, they miss out on a much deeper and more beautiful truth: that every sincere step of effort has immense value in the sight of Allah, regardless of the outcome. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verse 39: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.’ 

This powerful verse teaches that our sincere effort is what truly counts. Even if a child is not the best in their group, their striving is still valuable and rewarded by Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 762, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The deeds most beloved to Allah are those done regularly, even if they are small.’ 

This hadith reminds us that consistency and steady effort matter more than grand but infrequent achievements. For your child, this is a reminder that the act of showing up, practising consistently, and trying again holds more value in the sight of Allah than winning every single time. 

By grounding them in this perspective, you help your child to see that quitting just because they are not “the best” means they are missing the true lesson. They can learn that resilience, sincerity, and consistency are far more important than any trophy. 

Over time, they will grow to value their own progress over perfection, their persistence over comparison, and the approval of Allah Almighty over the applause of other people. With this mindset, they will learn to face life’s challenges with strength, humility, and faith, understanding that true success lies not in always being the best, but in always giving their best.