What do I do if they refuse to attend practice after losing? 

Parenting Perspective 

Losing a game or competition can be a heavy blow for a child, especially when they have invested a great deal of effort, hope, and pride in the outcome. Sometimes the pain of defeat makes them want to withdraw completely, refusing to go back to practice because they feel embarrassed, hopeless, or convinced they are “not good enough.” As a parent, your role is to gently guide them through their disappointment, help to rebuild their confidence, and show them that resilience after a loss is where real growth truly begins. 

Acknowledge the Pain Behind Their Refusal 

When your child says, “I do not want to go to practice anymore,” it is rarely a sign of laziness. It usually means: “I feel too hurt to try again.” It is best to respond with empathy: 

• ‘I know you are very upset after losing. It must feel really difficult to even think about going back right now.’ 

• ‘It is normal to feel like giving up after you have had a tough loss.’ 

This validation reassures them that their feelings are being understood and respected, not just dismissed. 

Reframe Losing as Part of Learning 

Children often see losing as a permanent label, thinking, “I lost, so I am a loser.” You can help them to see it differently: 

• ‘Every single player loses sometimes. Even the best athletes in the world have faced many defeats on their journey.’ 

• ‘Losing shows us where we have the opportunity to grow. It is not the end of the story; it is the start of getting better.’ 

This shift in perspective helps to turn the shame of a loss into motivation for the future. 

Remind Them of Their Progress 

Draw their attention to how far they have already come on their journey: 

• ‘Do you remember when you first started and you could not do the things you can do so easily now?’ 

• ‘Even though you lost the match, I noticed how much your teamwork and your effort have improved over time.’ 

When they can see their growth beyond a single score, they learn that practice is about personal progress, not just about winning. 

Encourage Small, Gentle Steps Back 

If they are still resisting the idea of returning, avoid forcing them to go back immediately. Instead, you could try a gentler approach: 

• Suggest that they could attend the next practice just to watch and support their teammates. 

• Break the task down: ‘How about you just come for the first ten minutes today? You do not have to do everything.’ 

• Celebrate any small step they take, such as putting on their kit or joining in with the warm-up. 

Gradually, the fear of returning to practice after a loss will become less overwhelming for them. 

Use Stories and Examples to Inspire 

Share real-life examples to inspire their resilience: 

• Talk about professional athletes who bounced back even stronger after major defeats. 

• Share family stories where you or another relative faced a setback but returned with renewed determination. 

• Use mini-dialogues at home where you can role-play the encouraging words they could say to themselves. 

Hearing that other people, even successful ones, have also failed and still succeeded makes the path forward feel possible for them. 

Reinforce the Value of Commitment 

Teach them that simply showing up, especially when it is hard, is a vital part of character-building: 

• ‘Winners are not the people who never lose, but the ones who keep showing up even after they have lost.’ 

• ‘Every time you return to practice, you become stronger on the inside, not just in the game.’ 

This helps to instil resilience as a life skill that extends far beyond the sports field. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that setbacks are not the end of our story. Losses, mistakes, and disappointments are all part of the tests of Allah Almighty, designed to teach us patience, strengthen our character, and prepare us for future opportunities. While refusing to return after a loss might feel easier in the moment, true strength is found in continuing with sabr (patience) and tawakkul (trust in Allah). 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 200: 

‘O you who are believers, be patient, and be resilient, and be constant, and attain piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may be successful.’ 

This powerful verse reminds us that true success comes not from a single, isolated victory but from perseverance, endurance, and a deep-seated trust in Allah Almighty. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4031, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The greatest reward comes with the greatest trial. When Allah loves a people, He tests them. Whoever accepts it wins His pleasure, but whoever is discontent with it earns His wrath.’ 

This hadith shows that both victory and defeat are opportunities for our growth. If we win, gratitude is required. If we lose, our patience becomes a source of immense reward. For your child, refusing to return to practice after a loss means missing out on the opportunity to practise this vital lesson of patience and resilience. 

By connecting their experience to these teachings, you can help your child to see that Allah Almighty values their sincere effort, not just their wins. Returning to practice, even after a loss, becomes an act of strength, humility, and faith. 

Over time, they will learn that losing is not the end but a training ground for their skills, their character, and their trust in the wisdom of Allah Almighty. With your support, they will grow into resilient young believers who do not run from setbacks, but instead learn to rise through them with courage and dignity.