How do I prepare my child for the chance of not being picked for the team? 

Parenting Perspective 

For a child, trying out for a sports team or another selective activity is often much more than just a test of their skill; it can feel like a test of their worth. They dream of seeing their name on the list, being cheered on by their friends, and feeling a sense of belonging. But with that dream comes the risk of disappointment. If they are not picked, the experience may feel like rejection, shame, or even humiliation. As a parent, your responsibility is not to shield them from this possibility, but to prepare them to face it with dignity, strength, and perspective. 

Acknowledge Their Hopes and Fears 

Children often carry a mixture of excitement and worry before a selection, but they may not know how to voice it. You can help by naming these feelings for them: 

• ‘I can see you are really excited about the try-outs, and that is wonderful.’ 

• ‘I also wonder if you might feel a little nervous about what could happen if you do not get picked. That is a normal feeling too.’ 

Sharing your own experiences, such as a time you applied for something and were not chosen, can help them to feel less isolated in their worries. By doing this, you show them that hope and worry can exist side by side, and that neither emotion makes them weak. 

Teach Them the Value of Effort Over Outcome 

One of the greatest lessons you can give your child is that their effort is always more important than the final result. Many children only equate success with winning or being chosen. This narrow definition of success can leave them feeling emotionally fragile when life inevitably brings rejection. You can help to reframe their thinking: 

• ‘Success is not only about being picked for the team. It is also about giving your best, learning new skills, and growing as a person.’ 

• ‘You have already succeeded by having the courage to try, even when you were not sure what would happen.’ 

By praising their bravery, discipline, and effort rather than focusing only on the outcome, you help to build resilience into their character. 

Prepare Them for Both Possible Outcomes 

Children often imagine only the best-case scenario. It is helpful to gently walk them through both possibilities beforehand: 

• If they are picked: Celebrate with them, but also guide them towards humility. You can remind them: ‘This is a wonderful blessing. It is important to stay kind to those who were not picked.’ 

• If they are not picked: Validate their feelings, but also remind them of the bigger picture. You could say: ‘It is okay to feel disappointed. This is not the end. You can improve and try again, or you might discover a different strength you did not know you had.’ 

When you prepare them in advance for both possibilities, rejection feels less like a crushing surprise and more like just one possible path on their journey. 

Use Real-Life Examples of Resilience 

Children love stories, and relatable examples can make a lesson feel much more real. You could share stories of people who famously faced rejection: 

• The story of Michael Jordan, who was cut from his school basketball team but went on to become a legend. 

• The example of Thomas Edison, who faced repeated failures before inventing the light bulb, famously saying that each attempt taught him something valuable. 

• You can also share moments from your own life when you were not chosen for something but later found success or happiness elsewhere. 

These stories show that rejection is very often not the end of the road, but rather the beginning of a new chapter of growth. 

Equip Them With Coping Strategies 

Practical coping strategies can help children to manage their emotions when the moment of truth arrives: 

• Role-play: Practise calm and dignified reactions, such as saying, ‘Thank you for the opportunity,’ or ‘Well done,’ to those who were selected. 

• Breathing: Teach them to take a slow, deep breath to help them stay calm if they feel upset or overwhelmed. 

• Positive self-talk: Encourage them to have a phrase ready in their mind, such as: ‘This does not define me. I can always try again.’ 

• Distraction afterwards: Plan a fun family activity for after the results are announced, whether they make the team or not, so they feel supported and loved either way. 

Build Their Identity Beyond the Team 

Children can sometimes tie their entire identity to one activity. You can protect them from this by reminding them of their broader worth: 

• ‘You are not just an athlete. You are also kind, creative, helpful, and capable in so many different ways.’ 

• ‘Even if this particular door does not open for you, there are many other doors waiting for you to explore.’ 

Encourage them to explore a variety of hobbies so that their entire sense of self does not rest on a single selection process. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that all outcomes lie with Allah Almighty, while our role is to make a sincere effort. Sometimes we desire something deeply, yet Allah withholds it out of His infinite wisdom and mercy. Preparing your child with this profound spiritual understanding helps them to embrace both success and rejection with faith and a sense of inner balance. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Baqarah (2), Verse 216: 

‘…And perhaps that which you are repelled by (may in fact) be for your betterment; and perhaps that thing which you love to undertake, and that might be bad for you; and (the reality is that) Allah (Almighty) is fully aware of everything that you do not know.’ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that not being chosen for something may hold hidden benefits. It could be that this path leads your child to discover other strengths, form different friendships, or embrace new opportunities that Allah Almighty knows are better for them in the long run. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look carefully at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith reminds us that our companions shape our journey. For a child, not being picked for one particular team may be the way of Allah of guiding them towards a different group of peers or another activity, where they will find friends who are better for their faith and character. 

By teaching them these truths, you instil both resilience and faith. They learn that what defines them is not whether they are always chosen, but how they respond when they are not. If they are picked, they can learn gratitude and humility. If they are not picked, they can learn patience, perseverance, and trust. 

Over time, your child will come to see that life is full of try-outs, both big and small. Sometimes they will be chosen, and other times they will not. But with your guidance, they will learn to face both outcomes with calmness, confidence, and reliance on Allah Almighty, secure in the knowledge that their true worth is not found on a team list, but in their sincerity, effort, and closeness to Him.