How do I build resilience when friendships shift and change? 

Parenting Perspective 

Friendships are rarely constant during childhood. One day a child can feel inseparable from their friend, and the next they may begin to drift apart or form new social groups. While this is a natural part of growing up, it can be a painful and confusing experience for a child who craves stability. As a parent, your role is to help them understand that a change in friendship does not signify a loss of their own value, and to equip them with the resilience they need to adapt without bitterness. 

Acknowledge the Pain of Change 

Start by showing empathy for what they are going through: 

• ‘I know it must hurt when a close friendship starts to change.’ 

• ‘It can feel lonely when someone you are used to being with begins to spend more time elsewhere.’ 

By naming their sadness, you show them that their feelings are both real and normal. 

Teach That Change Is a Normal Part of Life 

Help your child to see that friendships naturally evolve as people grow and develop new interests: 

• ‘Sometimes friends move closer to us, and sometimes they drift a little further apart. That is a natural part of life.’ 

• ‘It does not mean the friendship was not real or valuable, just that people’s interests and circumstances can change over time.’ 

This helps to reassure them that this change is not necessarily a personal rejection, but a natural shift that happens in life. 

Reframe Loss as an Opportunity 

You can gently guide them to see what they might be able to gain from this new situation: 

• ‘When one friendship changes, it often gives you the space and opportunity to meet new people.’ 

• ‘Your old friend may still care for you deeply, even if they are spending time with other people at the moment.’ 

This helps to shift their focus away from a sense of loss and towards the possibility of growth. 

Strengthen Their Social Flexibility 

You can equip them with the tools they need to handle the natural shifts in friendships: 

• Encourage them to reach out to different classmates, rather than clinging too tightly to one particular friend. 

• Teach them how to start small conversations with others. 

• Role-play different scenarios where they can practise joining new groups with a sense of quiet confidence. 

This helps to build their social flexibility. 

Build Their Inner Resilience at Home 

• Praise their good character and their kindness, so they know their worth is not tied to the approval of one friend. 

• Involve them in activities and clubs outside of school to help widen their social circle. 

• Build their inner resilience by sharing stories of times when your own friendships changed but ultimately led to personal growth. 

By taking these steps, you help to prepare them to weather the natural changes in their social lives without feeling broken by them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that human relationships will always shift and change, but our relationship with Allah Almighty is constant and unbreakable. Friends may come and go, but the love and guidance of Allah never leave us. Teaching this truth helps to anchor your child in a source of resilience that is far deeper and more stable than the approval of their peers. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Yunus (10), Verse 62: 

‘Unquestionably, indeed, those (people) that are the Friends of Allah (Almighty), no fear shall overcome them, and neither shall they grieve.’ 

This verse reminds us that true security and peace are found not in the ever-changing nature of human friendships, but in closeness to Allah Almighty, whose divine companionship never fades. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A person is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith teaches us that the quality of our friendships matters more than their quantity or their constancy. If one friend begins to drift away, it may be a sign from Allah Almighty, gently guiding your child toward new companions who will better uplift their faith and character. 

By grounding your child in these lessons, you help them to see changes in their friendships not as a form of abandonment, but as the way of Allah Almighty in teaching them resilience and leading them towards better company. 

In time, they will learn that friendships, like seasons, often come and go. What truly matters is holding on to patience, kindness, and trust in Allah Almighty. This form of deep resilience will prepare them not only for shifting peer relationships but also for the wider changes and challenges of life itself.