What if rejection makes them refuse to go to school? 

Parenting Perspective 

When social rejection at school becomes so painful that your child refuses to attend, it is a clear signal that their emotional distress has reached a breaking point. This is not simply an act of stubbornness; it is their way of saying, “I do not feel safe or accepted in that place.” As a parent, your role is to address their pain with compassion, help to rebuild their confidence, and work to gradually restore their willingness to face the school environment. 

Listen Before You Push 

If your child says, “I do not want to go to school,” try not to respond with immediate anger or dismissal. Instead, ask gentle and open questions: 

• ‘What part of school feels the hardest for you right now?’ 

• ‘Is it the lessons, the other children, or the way you feel when you are there?’ 

This helps to uncover whether the root cause is rejection by classmates, a fear of academic embarrassment, or a general feeling of low self-esteem. 

Reassure Them of Their Safety and Worth 

Make sure they know that their value does not depend on the acceptance of their classmates: 

• ‘You are still a special and worthy person, even if some children are not treating you kindly.’ 

• ‘Your place at school belongs to you, and no one has the right to take that away from you.’ 

This helps to protect their fundamental sense of belonging. 

Involve the School Calmly 

It is important to speak to their teacher or other relevant school staff to help them understand the situation. You can request gentle support, such as: 

• Encouraging other classmates in the group to be more inclusive. 

• Purposefully pairing your child with kinder peers during group activities. 

• Giving your child small responsibilities in the classroom to help rebuild their confidence. 

When the school staff are aware and involved, your child will feel less alone in their struggle. 

Take Small Steps Back to Attendance 

Instead of forcing them back into a full day abruptly, you can try to reintroduce school gradually: 

• Start by arranging shorter days or having them attend only their favourite classes. 

• See if they can spend some time with a trusted teacher or a supportive friend on the school premises. 

• Build up their attendance slowly until full days begin to feel manageable again. 

This gentle, step-by-step approach helps to reduce their overwhelming anxiety. 

Strengthen Their Confidence Outside of School 

• Involve them in clubs, sports, or Qur’an circles where they can feel valued and experience success. 

• Praise their unique strengths consistently when they are at home, such as their kindness, creativity, or effort. 

• Role-play different social situations with them so they feel more prepared and less anxious about peer interactions. 

When a child experiences a strong sense of belonging in other areas of their life, the sting of rejection at school is greatly diminished. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that rejection from people does not reduce our honour in the sight of Allah Almighty. When other people push us away, the closeness of Allah remains, and through our patience in that trial, He raises our rank. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Tawbah (9), Verse 51: 

‘Say (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ): “No calamity (or difficulty) shall ever befall upon us, except what has been decreed by Allah (Almighty); He is our Lord, and so the believers place their full reliance upon Allah (Almighty)”.’ 

This verse reminds us that even hurtful experiences, including social rejection, are not random events. They occur within the wisdom and protection of Allah. Teaching this gives your child the profound comfort that they are never truly abandoned or alone. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2101, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of a good companion in comparison with a bad one is like that of the musk seller and the blacksmith’s bellows. From the first you would either buy musk or enjoy its good smell, while the bellows would either burn your clothes or you get a bad nasty smell thereof.’ 

This hadith teaches that not every peer is a good companion. If some children are rejecting your child, it may be a sign from Allah Almighty, gently guiding them away from potentially harmful company and towards healthier, kinder friendships. 

By grounding your child in these teachings, you show them that school is not just about being liked but about growing in strength, knowledge, and faith. Rejection becomes less about their own perceived worth and more about the plan of Allah Almighty for their resilience and spiritual development. 

In time, with gentle support and spiritual reassurance, your child will see that rejection does not define them. Instead, it can become a test that shapes them into a stronger believer who is patient, dignified, and confident in the unwavering love of Allah Almighty.