What should I do when they hide poor grades out of fear? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child hides their poor grades, it is usually not an act of defiance but rather a clear sign of fear. They may be worried about your disappointment, the possibility of punishment, or being compared with others. This secrecy can become a harmful cycle, teaching them to hide their mistakes instead of facing them. Your response in this moment will determine whether your child learns to practise honesty and resilience or retreats into deeper shame and avoidance.

 

Create a Safe Space for Honesty 

Let your child know that their honesty is more important to you than their academic perfection: 

• ‘I care much more about you telling me the truth than I do about the grade itself.’ 

• ‘It is always okay to show me your results, even if they are not what you had hoped for.’ 

When you make truthfulness feel emotionally safe for them, they will become far less likely to hide things from you. 

Respond With Calm, Not Anger 

Even if you feel disappointed, it is crucial to avoid reacting harshly. An angry response will only reinforce their fear and increase their tendency towards secrecy. Instead, take a moment to pause and then use a calm, steady tone: 

• ‘Thank you for having the courage to show me this. Let us look at it together and see how we can improve.’ 

• ‘I know it must have felt scary to share this, and I am proud of your honesty.’ 

This powerful response shows them that honesty brings support, not shame. 

Focus on Problem-Solving Together 

Turn the poor grade into a joint effort rather than a session of assigning blame: 

• Ask gentle questions: ‘What part of the topic was the hardest for you?’ 

• Try to identify the root cause: Was the issue a lack of understanding, poor time management, or inadequate preparation? 

• Brainstorm solutions together, such as exploring extra practice, trying new study methods, or seeking support from a teacher. 

This approach teaches them that academic setbacks are simply challenges to be overcome together, not disasters that must be hidden away. 

Praise Honesty Over the Outcome 

Each time your child shares their grade truthfully with you, especially when it is a poor one, make sure to affirm their courage: 

• ‘It takes a lot of bravery to tell me this, even when it is hard. Well done.’ 

• ‘I respect your honesty far more than any grade on this paper.’ 

This strengthens their trust in you and helps to build a foundation of openness for the future. 

Practical Strategies for Prevention 

• Have regular check-ins: Ask about their schoolwork casually and frequently, not only when exams are approaching. 

• Normalise mistakes: Share stories of times when you faced failure in your own life and what you learnt from the experience. 

• Avoid comparisons: Focus on their individual progress and effort, not on the grades of other children. 

• Build a growth culture: Make a habit of consistently celebrating persistence, effort, and small improvements in your home. 

When home feels like a safe harbour, your child learns that they do not need to hide their mistakes, but can instead face them with courage and honesty. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that hiding our mistakes out of fear only prevents growth, while honesty and repentance open the door to mercy and improvement. While a poor grade is certainly not a sin, the underlying spiritual lesson is the same: concealment will only increase their fear, while openness brings with it the potential for guidance and healing. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 58: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) commands you to execute all trusts to their rightful owners; and when you (are asked to) judge between people, that you should judge with justice; indeed, the enlightened direction to you from Allah (Almighty) is (a beneficial) endowment; indeed, Allah (Almighty) is All Hearing and All Seeing.’ 

This verse reminds us that honesty and the fulfilling of trusts are divine commands. For a child, having the courage to show their grades truthfully is a practical way of fulfilling the trust that exists between them and their parents. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6094, that the holy Prophet Muhammad said: 

‘Truthfulness leads to righteousness, and righteousness leads to Paradise. A man keeps on telling the truth until he becomes a truthful person. Falsehood leads to wickedness, and wickedness leads to the Fire, and a man may keep on telling lies until he is written before Allah as a liar.’ 

This hadith shows the immense spiritual weight of being truthful. Teaching your child to be honest about their grades, even when they are poor, is training them to walk on the path of truth and righteousness. 

By responding with calm and compassion, you are modelling the mercy of Allah Almighty. Your child learns that their honesty will always be met with support and guidance, not rejection. Over time, they will grow to face their struggles openly, trusting in both you and Allah Almighty to help them improve. 

In this way, poor grades stop being something to fear and hide. Instead, they are transformed into valuable opportunities to learn resilience, to practise honesty, and to deepen their reliance on the mercy of Allah.