How can I support them when they study hard but still score poorly? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things are more discouraging for a child than putting in a great deal of hard work and still not seeing the results they had hoped for. They may feel confused, defeated, or even begin to believe that their effort is pointless. As a parent, your response in this sensitive moment can either help to rebuild their resilience or deepen their sense of frustration. The key is to support them with empathy, affirm their efforts, and guide them towards better strategies without making them feel like a failure. 

Validate Their Effort and Feelings 

Before anything else, it is important to acknowledge both their hard work and their disappointment: 

• ‘I know you worked really hard for this test. It must feel so upsetting that the grade does not reflect that.’ 

• ‘I can see how much time and effort you put into studying, and that in itself matters a great deal.’ 

This shows them that their effort has been seen and is valued, regardless of the final outcome. 

Teach That Effort Is Never Wasted 

Remind them that even if the result was disappointing, their time spent studying still helped them to build valuable skills, discipline, and knowledge. You could say: 

• ‘All of the hard work you did is still inside you. It is valuable knowledge that is preparing you for the next challenge.’ 

• ‘Every sincere effort strengthens your brain and your character, even if the score does not show it yet.’ 

This helps them to understand that sincere effort always has hidden benefits, even if they are not immediately obvious. 

Explore What Went Wrong Without Blame 

Turn the poor grade from a negative event into a constructive opportunity for learning: 

• Ask reflective questions: ‘Did you find the questions in the test confusing? Did you feel rushed for time? Were there any topics you felt you had not revised enough?’ 

• Look for patterns: Do they perhaps need to work on their exam techniques, try different revision styles, or get more rest before a test? 

• Involve their teachers: Encourage your child to politely ask their teacher for feedback on where they lost marks and how they could improve. 

This approach turns the setback from a source of despair into an opportunity for problem-solving. 

Help Them Adjust Their Strategies 

• Introduce different revision techniques, such as using flashcards, doing practice tests, or studying with a friend. 

• Encourage them to take regular breaks and get enough sleep, as tiredness can significantly reduce performance even with good preparation. 

• Set smaller, realistic goals before the next exam so they can track their improvement and build momentum. 

Keep Their Confidence Intact 

Always make sure to celebrate their perseverance: 

• ‘I am so proud of how much effort you put in, and I know that kind of dedication will pay off in the long run.’ 

• ‘This one test does not define who you are or what you are capable of achieving.’ 

This vital reassurance helps to prevent discouragement from setting in and keeps their motivation for learning alive. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us that our effort is never wasted in the sight of Allah, even if the worldly results fall short of our expectations. What matters most is our sincerity in striving and our patience with the outcomes. When a child studies diligently but still scores poorly, it presents a valuable opportunity to remind them that true success is measured not just by results, but by the combination of sincere effort and trust in the decree of Allah Almighty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verse 160: 

‘If you are the recipient of assistance from Allah (Almighty), then no one can prevail over you; and if He (Allah Almighty) forsakes you, then who is it that can assist you after Him; and (the true) believers place their absolute reliance upon Allah (Almighty).’ 

This verse reminds us that while our effort is essential, true success only comes with the help of Allah. Teaching your child to combine their hard work with a sincere reliance on Allah nurtures both humility and hope in their heart. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5645, that the holy Prophet Muhammad said: 

‘Whoever Allah wants good for, He afflicts him with trials.’ 

This hadith reminds us that even disappointments can be a form of goodness from Allah, as they are designed to shape our patience, deepen our resilience, and bring us closer to Him. For a child, a disappointing grade after so much hard work can feel like a genuine trial, but it may also be a blessing in disguise, building the inner strength they will need for future challenges. 

By linking their efforts to their faith, you help them to see that every hour they spend studying is valuable in the sight of Allah, regardless of the marks. Poor results are not failures; they are lessons and opportunities for spiritual and academic growth. 

When your child understands this, they will learn to approach their studying with both sincerity and trust. They will know that results may vary, but every sincere effort counts, and that patience in the face of setbacks brings its own unique rewards and strength. In this way, you can help to raise a child who values hard work, resilience, and reliance upon Allah Almighty far more than any number written on a piece of paper.