What do I say when fears appear at bedtime and patience is thin? 

Parenting Perspective 

Bedtime fears are a common part of childhood, from worries about the dark to anxieties about being alone. When you are tired and your own patience is thin, it can be challenging to respond with the kindness you intend. Yet, the words you choose in these moments can either dismiss your child’s feelings or offer profound comfort. 

Acknowledge the Fear Without Magnifying It 

It is important to avoid dismissive phrases like, ‘Do not be silly.’ Instead, offer calm empathy to validate their feelings without validating the fear itself. This shows them you are on their side. 

• You could say, ‘I know it can feel scary sometimes when the lights are off.’ 

• Or, ‘It is okay to feel a little nervous. I am right here with you.’ 

Offer a Simple and Reassuring Script 

In moments of fear, a child needs simple, steady, and repeatable words that bring comfort. This consistent reassurance becomes a source of security for them. 

• You can say, ‘You are safe, and Allah is always protecting you.’ 

• Or, ‘Just close your eyes, and the morning will be here soon, inshaAllah.’ 

Keep your tone warm but firm, so the reassurance does not turn into a lengthy, stimulating conversation that delays sleep. 

Provide a Comforting Tool 

Sometimes a tangible object can help a child redirect their fear and feel more secure. This empowers them to self-soothe. 

• A soft nightlight, a favourite toy to hold, or a special blanket can provide a sense of comfort. 

• You can also make reciting a short dua together a part of this routine, turning to Allah for peace. 

Hold the Boundary with Gentle Firmness 

If your child’s fears begin to turn into a stalling tactic, it is important to hold the bedtime boundary with kindness. 

• You can state calmly, ‘It is time for our bodies to rest now. We have said our dua, and you are completely safe.’ 

• Gently leaving the room after this reassurance shows that you trust in their ability to settle, which in turn helps them build that trust in themselves. 

Spiritual Insight 

A child’s night-time fears present a precious opportunity to connect them to the concept of Allah’s constant protection. Islam teaches that the remembrance of Allah (dhikr) is a source of peace that can remove fear and anxiety from the heart. 

Finding Peace in the Remembrance of Allah 

The Quran teaches that true tranquility for the heart is found in remembering Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ra’ad (13), Verse 28: 

‘….Indeed, it is only with the remembrance of Allah (Almighty) that one can (and does) find peace of mind and heart.’ 

By teaching your child to turn to duas and the remembrance of Allah when they feel scared, you are giving them a lifelong tool to transform their fear into a feeling of trust and peace. 

Prophetic Guidance for Night-time Protection 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ provided us with specific words of protection to recite before sleep, turning bedtime into an act of seeking divine security. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 5010, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘When you go to bed, recite Ayat al-Kursi, for there will remain with you a guardian from Allah, and no devil will approach you until morning.’ 

Sharing this Hadith with your child shows them that their fears can be met with powerful and effective words of protection, given to us as a mercy from Allah.