How can I hold lights-out kindly when a child keeps calling me back? 

Parenting Perspective 

The final moments of bedtime can often be prolonged by a child who repeatedly calls you back for another drink, question, or cuddle. While this can feel like a stalling tactic, it frequently stems from a genuine need for reassurance. The key is to balance kindness with gentle firmness, helping your child feel secure while learning to settle independently. 

Establish a Clear and Complete Closing Routine 

A common reason for call-backs is that a child’s needs were not fully met before lights-out. By building comfort and completion into your bedtime sequence, you can pre-empt many of these requests. A predictable routine signals that all needs have been addressed. 

• Ensure a final drink of water is offered, the toilet has been used, all hugs have been given, and bedtime duas have been recited. 

• You can then say gently, ‘Now that we have finished our special routine, it is time for our bodies to rest.’ 

Respond Briefly, Calmly, and Consistently 

If your child does call you back, it is important to avoid frustration and long, engaging conversations. The most effective response is warm, brief, and consistently boring. 

• Return to their doorway and say calmly, ‘It is bedtime now. I love you, and I will see you in the morning.’ 

• Do not linger or get drawn into new topics. Your consistency teaches them that calling out will not restart the bedtime routine. 

Provide a Comforting Object 

For some children, especially younger ones, a tangible object can provide the comfort they are seeking from you. This empowers them to self-soothe without needing your constant presence. 

• This could be a favourite soft toy, a special blanket, or a gentle nightlight that they can switch on themselves. 

Reinforce Success the Next Morning 

Acknowledge their progress the following day with specific praise. Positive reinforcement is a powerful motivator and makes them proud of their growing independence. 

• You could say, ‘You did a wonderful job staying in your bed after we said goodnight. I am so proud of how you are learning to rest.’ 

• Even small successes are worth celebrating, as this encourages them to repeat the effort. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guiding a child to rest calmly at night is an act of nurturing their sense of peace and trust in the world. Islam teaches us that the night was created for stillness and rest, a time to find tranquility, not to engage in endless delays. 

The Night as a Mercy for Rest 

Allah Almighty created the night as a time for our bodies and souls to find stillness and peace. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Qasas (28), Verse 73: 

‘And out of His (Allah Almighty) mercy, He has provided for you the night and the day; so that you may flourish therein, and that you may seek from His benefactions; and so that you may become grateful.’ 

This verse reminds us that guiding our children to embrace the restfulness of bedtime is to help them benefit from a great mercy from Allah. 

The Prophetic Example of Gentle Guidance 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that our guidance, even when it involves setting boundaries like lights-out, should be rooted in kindness. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 636, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Make things easy and do not make things difficult, give glad tidings and do not drive people away.’ 

This Hadith encourages us to handle discipline with a gentle and encouraging spirit. Holding the boundary of bedtime with a calm and kind tone is a direct application of this beautiful teaching.