What can I do when pyjamas become a nightly standoff? 

Parenting Perspective 

The bedtime routine can quickly unravel when the simple act of putting on pyjamas turns into a battle of wills. While arguing or becoming stern might achieve the immediate goal, it often leaves both parent and child feeling unsettled just before sleep. A far better approach is to transform the moment into a calm, structured, and connecting routine. 

Establish a Predictable Bedtime Order 

Children thrive on predictability and are less likely to resist when they know what to expect. A consistent routine makes the pyjama step feel like a natural and non-negotiable part of the evening. 

• A simple, repeated pattern works best: a bath or wash, followed by pyjamas, then a story or quiet time, and finally dua before sleep. 

• When this order is the same every night, there is less room for argument. 

Offer Limited, Empowering Choices 

Instead of issuing a command, guide your child with small choices. This gives them a sense of control over the situation, which can reduce defiance while still achieving the goal. 

• You could ask, ‘Would you like to wear the blue pyjamas or the striped ones tonight?’ 

• Or, ‘Do you want to put on the top first, or the bottoms?’ 

Use Play to Foster Connection 

A moment of lightness and play can diffuse tension and lower a child’s resistance without compromising the boundary. 

• You can turn it into a gentle race: ‘Let us see if you can get your pyjamas on before I count to twenty.’ 

• Or a pretend game: ‘These are your special superhero pyjamas. It is time to get ready for your sleep mission!’ 

Remain Calm but Firm 

If your child continues to delay, avoid getting drawn into a lengthy argument. Repeat the boundary in a kind but firm tone. Your calm firmness is more effective than raising your voice. 

• You can state simply, ‘It is time for pyjamas now. We can read stories right after they are on.’ 

• If they say they do not want to, you can acknowledge their feeling while holding the boundary: ‘I hear that you do not want to, but it is bedtime, which means pyjamas first. Which pair are you choosing?’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Even a simple bedtime routine can become a meaningful opportunity to practise Islamic virtues like patience, kindness, and consistency. Our faith encourages a parenting style that blends gentle firmness with abundant mercy. 

The Balance of Firmness and Patience 

Islam teaches that guiding our children requires a determined and patient approach, where we enjoin what is right with consistency. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verse 17: 

‘O my son, establish your prayers, and (seek to) promote positivity, and (seek to) diminish negativity; and be patient with what afflictions you come across; indeed, these (matters require) fortified determination.’ 

This verse reminds us that guiding our children with gentle but firm rules is an act of determination, and the patience we show during these small struggles is a virtue. 

The Prophetic Example of Gentleness 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ consistently modelled a gentle approach in all matters, especially within the home. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 3689, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Allah loves gentleness in all matters.’ 

This Hadith is a beautiful reminder that even when we must be firm, our approach should be rooted in gentleness. Handling the pyjama standoff with a calm and kind tone is an application of this Prophetic wisdom.