What do I do when a younger child wrecks a careful build? 

Parenting Perspective 

Few things can trigger a bigger or more sudden outburst than the moment a younger sibling knocks over a tower, puzzle, or intricate creation that an older child has worked so hard to build. The older child often feels devastated and enraged, while the younger one may not even realise the extent of the damage they have caused. This difficult situation is also an opportunity to teach both children about boundaries, empathy, and resilience, all while trying to maintain peace in the family. 

Acknowledge the Effort and the Hurt 

Before you rush to fix the problem or scold the younger child, your first priority should be to validate the older child’s feelings. This simple act shows respect for their hard work and validates the genuine sense of loss they are feeling. 

• ‘I can see how carefully you were working on that tower, and it is so upsetting that it has been knocked down.’ 

Teach the Younger Child Gently 

Instead of scolding the younger child harshly, which they may not understand, use it as a gentle teaching moment. 

• ‘Your brother built this with great care. We do not knock down other people’s creations. You must always ask before you join in.’ 

• It can also be helpful to offer them their own smaller set of blocks or a different activity to redirect their energy. 

Create Safe Zones for Special Creations 

Give your older child a designated space where their special projects can be kept safe from the reach of younger siblings. This practical step helps to prevent repeated frustration for the older child and demonstrates fairness to both. 

• This could be a high shelf, a specific table, or a tray that can be moved out of the way. 

Encourage Rebuilding as an Act of Growth 

Once the initial wave of emotion has settled, you can begin to encourage the older child to think about rebuilding. You can offer to help them restart, but it is important to let them lead the process so that they can regain their sense of control and ownership. 

• ‘I know it feels hard to even think about rebuilding it right now, but doing so shows what a patient and creative builder you are.’ 

• Older child: (crying) ‘He ruined it completely!’ Parent: ‘I completely understand. You worked so hard, and it is very upsetting. For your next build, let us move it to this higher table so it can stay safe. I am happy to help you start again if you would like me to.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Protecting the fruits of someone’s effort and respecting the work of others are important lessons in Islam. At the same time, showing patience in the face of loss and mercy towards the young are qualities that bring immense reward. 

Respecting the Effort of Others 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Najam (53), Verses 39: 

‘And they shall be nothing (to account) for mankind except what he has undertaken.‘ 

This verse reminds us that each person’s sincere effort has value in the sight of Allah, and therefore, it deserves to be recognised and, where possible, protected. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Mercy and Gentleness 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 354, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and honour to our elders.’ 

This hadith teaches that younger siblings who make mistakes require our gentle teaching, while the efforts and feelings of older siblings deserve our respect and consideration. 

By responding calmly, protecting special creations, and guiding both children towards better behaviour, you show them that mistakes can become valuable lessons. The older child learns resilience and the virtue of patience, while the younger child learns about respect and empathy. These are all essential qualities for creating family harmony and are deeply rooted in our faith.