How can I help an older child be patient with a younger’s pace? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common point of friction when an older child becomes frustrated by a younger sibling’s slower pace, whether it is walking to the car, finishing a meal, or tidying up. While the older child’s irritation is understandable, these moments are valuable opportunities to teach empathy and leadership, rather than allowing rivalry to grow. 

Acknowledge the Frustration 

Begin by showing your older child that you understand and empathise with their feelings. This validation is a crucial first step, as it helps the older child to feel heard and understood before you ask them to be patient. 

• ‘I know it can feel very slow sometimes waiting for your little brother to catch up.’ 

• ‘It is hard to wait when you are feeling ready and want to get there quickly.’ 

Teach Perspective and Empathy 

Gently explain that younger children are still developing and naturally need more time and support. This helps to build their sense of compassion, shifting the dynamic away from competition. 

• ‘Can you remember when you were smaller, and it took you a bit longer to tie your shoes? Your sibling is still practising, just like you once did.’ 

Give the Older Child a Role of Leadership 

You can transform the act of waiting from a passive frustration into an active role of leadership. This approach reframes patience as a positive responsibility that comes with being older, rather than a punishment. 

• ‘Could you please be the leader and walk alongside your sibling to show them the way?’ 

• ‘Since you are finished first, could you be my helper and carry this one bag for me so we can all get ready faster?’ 

Praise Patient Behaviour 

When you notice your older child waiting kindly or offering help, make sure to highlight it with specific praise. This positive reinforcement shows them that their patience is noticed and highly valued. 

• ‘I saw you slowing down your steps so that your sibling could keep up with you. That was very thoughtful and kind.’ 

• Older child: ‘She is being so slow again!’ Parent: ‘I know it feels slow, and thank you for waiting so patiently. It really helps her to learn, and it shows me how grown-up and considerate you are becoming.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Patience with others is a form of mercy, and demonstrating mercy within the family is one of the most important values in Islam. Helping an older child to slow down for a younger one is not just a matter of courtesy, but a practical reflection of faith. 

Patience With Others 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 127: 

‘And (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) be patient, and your patience (is fortified) only by Allah (Almighty); and do not be anxious over their (transgressions), and do not been a state of anguish over their (frivolous) schemes.‘ 

This verse reminds us that our ability to be patient with others is a gift from Allah, and that we should strive to exercise it and rely on Him for strength. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Mercy With the Young 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young and respect to our elders.’ 

This hadith teaches that showing patience and consideration for a younger sibling is a beautiful form of mercy, and that mercy is a defining characteristic of a believer. 

By guiding your older child to wait kindly, you are nurturing their capacity for empathy, their sense of responsibility, and their spiritual growth. They learn that being older is not just about being faster or more capable, but about having the strength to lead with patience and mercy values that strengthen both family bonds and faith.