How do I keep my cool when the same toy triggers daily fights? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can quickly drain your patience when your children fight over the exact same toy, day after day. Your first impulse might be to take the toy away for good, but this approach misses a valuable opportunity for teaching. These daily quarrels are a clear sign that your children need your direct guidance in developing the skills of sharing, fairness, and emotional regulation. 

Stay Calm and Step In Early 

Instead of waiting for the argument to escalate into a full-blown fight, try to step in early with a steady and calm voice. Keeping your own tone of voice calm prevents the toy from becoming a trigger for your own anger as well as theirs. 

• ‘I can see you both want to play with that toy. Let us pause for a moment before this turns into a fight.’ 

Rotate or Set Clear Rules for the Toy 

If one particular toy consistently causes conflict, it is a sign that it needs more structure around it. Having a clear and predictable system in place reduces arguments and minimises any feelings that you are ‘picking favourites’. 

• Implement a daily rotation system: ‘Today it is your sibling’s turn with the car, and tomorrow it will be your turn.’ 

• Use a visible timer for shorter, more frequent turns: ‘You can each have five minutes, and then you must swap.’ 

Offer Alternatives to Reduce Conflict 

Keep a similar, equally appealing toy or activity nearby. You can then encourage one child to engage with the alternative while they wait for their turn. This simple strategy helps the waiting child to practise patience without feeling completely left out of the fun. 

Follow Through With Calm Consequences 

If the fighting continues despite the clear rules, you must calmly and consistently follow through with a logical consequence. This teaches a clear lesson: unresolved conflict over the toy leads to it being removed for everyone. This is a natural consequence, not a punishment delivered in anger. 

• ‘This toy is for sharing peacefully. If it is going to cause fights, it will have to take a break until tomorrow.’ 

• Child 1: ‘It is mine!’ Child 2: ‘No, I had it first!’ Parent: ‘I see you both want it. We will use the timer now for five minutes each. If the fighting continues, the toy will have to go away until tomorrow.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Arguments over toys may seem small, but they are opportunities to teach the much larger lessons of justice, patience, and self-control. Islam teaches us to prevent disputes from escalating and to use fairness as a foundation for building peace. 

Avoiding Disputes 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 46: 

‘ And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength…’ 

This verse reminds us that constant bickering and disputing, even within a family over small things, can weaken the bonds of unity and strength. 

The Prophet ﷺ on Kindness Between Siblings 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1935, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not envy one another, do not hate one another, do not turn away from one another, but be servants of Allah as brothers.’ 

This hadith provides a beautiful blueprint for sibling relationships, teaching children that love, fairness, and looking out for one another are essential parts of living their faith. 

By keeping your cool and applying calm, consistent rules, you transform toy disputes into opportunities for teaching justice and patience. Over time, your children learn that peace, not possession, is what makes play truly meaningful a lesson that nurtures both their character and their faith.