How do I model patient conversation when I am exhausted? 

Parenting Perspective 

Exhaustion is one of the greatest challenges to a parent’s patience. At the end of a long day, your child may still want to talk, ask questions, or complain, and it can feel like you have nothing left to give. However, modelling a patient conversation in these moments teaches your child a powerful lesson: that connection does not disappear just because you are tired. It teaches them how to balance their own needs with empathy for others. 

Acknowledging Your Tiredness Honestly 

Children benefit immensely from seeing their parents name their feelings in a calm and honest way. This approach sets a gentle limit without completely shutting them down. 

• ‘I would love to hear about that. I am feeling very tired right now, but I can listen for five minutes.’ 

• ‘My body is telling me it needs to rest soon, but what you have to say is important to me.’ 

Keeping Conversations Short and Focused 

When your own energy is low, you do not need to engage in long conversations. Warm, simple, and focused words are enough. This gives your child your focused attention for a short period, without completely draining your reserves. 

• ‘That sounds really interesting. Can you tell me the one most important thing about your day?’ 

• ‘Let us share the best and the hardest moment from our day, and then we can have a quiet cuddle.’ 

Using Body Language to Show Presence 

Even if your words must be brief, your body language can still communicate patience. Sometimes, a child needs your calm presence more than they need a long conversation. Making eye contact, offering a gentle nod, or a small smile shows that you are present with them. 

Modelling How to Repair After a Mistake 

If your exhaustion causes you to speak sharply or snap, it is important to return to your child later to repair the connection. This act of modelling accountability shows your child that being patient also involves humility and repairing mistakes when we make them. 

• ‘I am sorry I spoke so sharply earlier. I was feeling very tired. I do care about what you wanted to say.’ 

• Child: ‘Mum, I want to tell you everything about my game!’ Parent: ‘I would love to hear. My ears are very tired right now, so let us talk about it for five minutes, and then you can tell me the rest tomorrow morning.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Even in a state of deep tiredness, choosing to be patient is a reflection of true Islamic character. The way you speak to your child when you are drained is a powerful part of the moral example you set for them. 

Speaking Kindly at All Times 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 53: 

‘ And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them, as indeed, Satan is the most visible enemy for mankind.‘ 

This verse is a profound reminder that our words should always be the best and kindest possible, as harshness opens the door to discord, which is sown by Shaytan. 

The Prophet’s ﷺ Example of Gentleness 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 1734, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A believer is not one who taunts, curses, speaks obscenely, or abuses.’ 

This hadith teaches that guarding the tongue from foul or abusive speech is a defining characteristic of a believer. Choosing patience over harsh words, even in a state of fatigue, is therefore an act of faith. 

By modelling calm conversation even when you are exhausted, you teach your child an invaluable lesson: patience is not about never feeling tired or frustrated, but about choosing to be gentle despite those feelings. This helps them to grow into adults who value respectful communication, even in difficult moments.