How can I model respectful speech during disagreements? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children learn how to handle conflict not from what they are told, but from what they witness in their parents’ behaviour. When you model respectful speech during disagreements, you demonstrate that a difference of opinion can coexist with dignity. This gives your child a practical blueprint for navigating their own conflicts without resorting to rudeness. 

Keep Your Tone Calm and Steady 

Even when you are disagreeing strongly about something, make a conscious effort to lower your voice rather than raising it. You can say, ‘I see this matter differently, but let’s discuss it calmly.’ This shows your child that respect is not abandoned just because there is a disagreement. 

Choose Your Words Carefully 

It is important to avoid using sarcasm, insults, or dismissive phrases during a conflict. Instead, use phrases that express your feelings without belittling the other person, such as, ‘I understand your point of view, but I feel that we should consider this instead.’ 

Repair if Emotions Rise 

If you feel your own tone slipping in a moment of frustration, it is powerful to acknowledge it. A simple statement like, ‘I should have spoken more calmly just then. Let me try to say that again respectfully,’ teaches your child that even mistakes made in the heat of the moment can be repaired with humility. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that a believer’s character is most clearly revealed during moments of disagreement. Maintaining good manners (adab) even when you differ with someone is a sign of a strong and mature faith. 

The Command for Wise and Gentle Argument 

The Quran commands believers to approach even arguments and debates with wisdom, good instruction, and the best possible manners. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 125: 

‘ Invite (people) to (follow) the (prescribed) pathways of your Sustainer with wisdom, and polite enlightened direction, and only argue with them in the politest manner…’ 

Good Character as the Perfection of Faith 

The prophetic tradition teaches that the truest measure of our faith is our character, especially during moments of tension within our own families. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1162, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most complete of the believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their women.’ 

By modelling respectful speech during your disagreements, you are providing your child with a living example of Islamic adab. They learn that conflict does not justify disrespect, and that true strength lies in combining firmness with kindness, which is a trait that reflects both good character and strong faith.