How do I signal to my child that forgiveness includes respect? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children can sometimes view forgiveness as a simple ‘reset button’—they apologise, the parent forgives, and the incident is forgotten. While forgiveness is vital, it is equally important for them to understand that it does not cancel the need for respect. True reconciliation is only complete when a person’s behaviour realigns with dignity and good manners. 

Pair Forgiveness With Boundaries 

When you offer your forgiveness, you can also gently restate your expectations. For example: ‘I forgive you, but it is important to remember that forgiveness means we also return to speaking to each other respectfully.’ This connects the act of reconciliation with changed behaviour, not just empty words. 

Reinforce With Positive Action 

Encourage your child to demonstrate their sincerity through a respectful action after they have been forgiven. This could be a polite reply later in the day, helping with a task without being asked, or offering another kind gesture. This teaches them that respect is the visible fruit of sincere forgiveness. 

Model Forgiveness With Respect Yourself 

When you need to apologise to your child for a mistake you have made, ensure that you do so with a respectful and humble tone. This signals to them that respect is a core part of the repair process for everyone in the family, not something that is only expected of children. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true forgiveness (afw) and reconciliation (islah) are not merely the absence of anger, but the active restoration of goodness and respect in a relationship. This principle is a cornerstone of a healthy Muslim family. 

Forgiveness as a Path to God’s Mercy 

The Quran reminds us that forgiving others is an act of mercy that opens the door to receiving the forgiveness and mercy of Allah in return. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verses 22: 

‘…And forgive (their mistakes) and overlook (their weaknesses); do you not love the fact that Allah (Almighty) may forgive you? And Allah is Most Forgiving and Most Merciful.‘ 

Showing Mercy to Receive Mercy 

The prophetic tradition teaches that the act of forgiveness is inseparable from mercy, and that this mercy must be expressed through the respectful and kind treatment of others. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on earth, and the One above the heavens will be merciful to you.’ 

By signalling to your child that forgiveness must include respect, you are showing them that relationships are repaired through both words and actions. They learn that in Islam, forgiveness is never empty; it is a process that restores dignity, strengthens bonds, and brings them closer to Allah through good character.