What should I do when apologies are not happening after rudeness? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be very frustrating when a child refuses to apologise after being rude. While forcing them to say the words rarely leads to genuine sincerity, ignoring the issue teaches them that disrespect has no consequences. The middle path is to hold a steady boundary, teaching your child that repairing a relationship after a conflict is essential. 

Separate the Behaviour from Their Identity 

You can calmly state, ‘You do not have to apologise right this second, but respectful behaviour must return before we can move on. We cannot continue with our fun activity until you have shown it.’ This makes it clear that the issue is their unacceptable behaviour, not their worth as a person, and it places the responsibility on them. 

Offer Space for Reflection 

Sometimes children resist apologising because they feel cornered or embarrassed. It can be helpful to give them some space and time, and then to revisit the issue later. You could say, ‘Your words earlier were very hurtful. When you are ready, I would still like to hear an apology.’ This allows sincerity to grow, rather than forcing immediate compliance. 

Teach Repair Through Action 

If a verbal apology does not come easily to your child, you can guide them towards repairing the situation through their actions instead. This could involve encouraging them to help you with a task or to speak with extra kindness for the rest of the day. Over time, they learn that making amends is a necessary part of restoring respect. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that while forgiveness is a virtue, accountability for our actions is a duty. A parent who guides their child towards making amends, even when an apology is difficult, is teaching a vital lesson in Islamic character. 

The Balance of Forgiveness and Good Conduct 

The Quran reminds us that while forgiveness and patience are essential, they do not replace the duty to call people towards what is right and good. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Aa’raaf (7), Verses 199: 

‘ (O Prophet Muhammad ﷺ) adopt a forgiving approach, and encourage (the doing of) positive (moral) actions, and disregard those who are imbued in their ignorance.‘ 

The Importance of Good Character 

The prophetic tradition teaches that the true measure of a person is their character, which includes having the humility to apologise and repair one’s mistakes. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3559, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The best of you are those who are best in character.’ 

By handling unapologetic behaviour with patience and steady expectations, you are teaching your child that respect is non-negotiable, even if an apology takes time to arrive. They learn that true character in Islam is not about avoiding mistakes, but about repairing them, whether through sincere words, kind actions, or the humility to turn back to Allah.