What can I say to reinforce kindness in following instructions? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child follows an instruction, how they do it matters just as much as the action itself. A begrudging sigh or a rude response may get the task done, but it weakens the bonds of family respect. By reinforcing kindness, you can help your child to see that their attitude is a vital part of their obedience. 

Use Positive Reinforcement 

Make a point of praising not just the action, but the kindness with which it was performed. For example: ‘I really appreciate how politely you responded just now; that shows real respect.’ Directly linking your praise to their kind behaviour makes them more likely to repeat it in the future. 

Tie Effort to Family Harmony 

You can also help your child to see the positive effect their attitude has on the entire family. A simple comment like, ‘When you follow instructions with a kind and cheerful heart, it makes our home feel so much more peaceful for everyone,’ helps them to understand that their good manners benefit the whole family. 

Remind Them of Respectful Standards 

If your child’s response is curt or disrespectful, it is important to guide them gently towards a better way. You could say, ‘Please can you try saying that again, but with a kinder voice?’ This teaches them that kindness is an essential part of the expectation, not just an optional extra. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that a person’s character is the truest measure of their faith. How we perform our duties, including small acts of obedience within the family, is a reflection of our inner state. A parent who encourages kindness alongside compliance is nurturing a deeper sense of ihsan (excellence). 

Nobility Through Righteous Character 

The Quran reminds us that a person’s true nobility in the sight of Allah is measured by their righteousness and character, not by their outward actions alone. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verses 13: 

‘…Indeed, the best of you in the judgement of Allah (Almighty) is the one who is most virtuous…’ 

The Value of Small Kindnesses 

The prophetic tradition teaches that even the smallest acts of kindness, such as a polite word or a gentle tone of voice, carry immense value and weight in Islam. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2626, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not think little of any good deed, even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’ 

By reminding your child that kindness must accompany their obedience, you are aligning their daily routines with the core Islamic values of good character. They learn that following instructions with gentleness is not just about chores, but about embodying a sense of faith, respect, and love within the family.