What should I do if my teen sends a rude message to a friend? 

Parenting Perspective 

Addressing it Calmly and Directly 

When a teenager sends a rude message, it can harm their friendships and reflect poorly on their character. Instead of reacting with anger, the best approach is to treat it as a learning opportunity. Your teenager may have acted out of frustration or underestimated how harsh their words would sound without the benefit of tone or context. 

You should address the situation calmly and directly. Talk to your teenager privately and say, “That message came across as rude. Let us think about how it may have felt to your friend.” This helps them see the impact of their words without turning the moment into a lecture. 

Guiding Them Towards Repair 

You should encourage your teenager to send a follow-up message, such as, “Sorry, I was upset. I should not have written that.” Helping them make amends teaches them accountability and the value of repairing relationships quickly. 

It is also important to teach them about digital awareness. Remind them that written words often feel stronger than spoken ones because the recipient cannot see body language or hear a tone of voice. Encourage them to pause before pressing send when their emotions are running high. By approaching it this way, you protect their friendships while teaching responsibility and self-control in the digital space. 

Spiritual Insight 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verse 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them…’ 

This reminds us that choosing kind words, especially in moments of frustration, prevents division and protects our relationships. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3559, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved to me amongst you are those who have the best manners.’ 

This teaches us that character and respectful conduct, including in messages, are central to our true faith. By guiding your teenager to repair their mistake and reflect on their tone, you are rooting their digital behaviour in the Islamic values of accountability, kindness, and respect. They learn that their faith extends into how they type as much as how they speak, shaping them into thoughtful and responsible communicators.