How to Talk About Behavioural Fairness Without Undermining School Discipline 

Parenting Perspective 

It is common for children to complain about fairness when they see classmates being treated differently or when they themselves receive a consequence they do not like. They naturally seek validation at home. The challenge for parents is to acknowledge their child’s feelings without undermining the teacher’s authority. If you dismiss their concerns, they may feel unheard. If you agree with them completely, you risk weakening their respect for school discipline. 

Listen and Validate First 

Begin the conversation with empathy. You can say, “I understand why that felt unfair.” This simple statement shows your child that you are taking their feelings seriously while also giving you the space to gently redirect the conversation. 

Separate Feelings from Authority 

Explain to your child that it is okay to feel upset, but that school rules must still be respected. For example, “Even if you think it was unfair, the rule still applies because it helps everyone learn.” This balances your respect for their emotions with respect for the teacher’s role. 

Teach Constructive Expression 

Coach your child to voice their concerns in a polite and constructive way. This could sound like, “Miss, can I explain what happened?” This shows them that fairness can be pursued respectfully, without defiance or disrespect. 

By discussing fairness in this way, you validate your child’s feelings while reinforcing that rules and authority are in place for their benefit and the benefit of others. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islamic teachings remind us that fairness and justice are central to our faith. However, they must always be pursued with integrity, respect, and wisdom. 

Guidance from the noble Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Maaidah (5), Verse 8: 

‘You who are believers, become steadfast (in your devotion) to Allah (Almighty), corroborating all of that which is just; and never let your hatred of any nation prevent you from being just, – let justice prevail…’ 

This verse reminds us that fairness and justice are central in Islam, but they must always be pursued with integrity and respect for the truth. 

Teachings of the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 3685, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for his flock.’ 

This Hadith teaches us that those in positions of authority, such as teachers, have a significant responsibility before Allah Almighty to act justly. Therefore, our respect for their role is a part of upholding order. 

By guiding your child to speak about fairness respectfully, you help them embrace Islamic values of justice without rejecting authority. They will learn that fairness is a principle to uphold, but discipline is also a structure that maintains harmony. This balance will equip them to navigate both school and life with respect, wisdom, and maturity.