How can I handle a shrug or backchat when I correct my child? 

Parenting Perspective 

When a child responds to a correction with a shrug, an eye-roll, or a sarcastic comment, it can feel dismissive and hurtful. However, these reactions are often more about their own frustration or embarrassment than about deep disrespect. If you treat every sigh as a major act of defiance, you risk turning small moments into constant battles. The key is to remain steady, correct the behaviour, and avoid giving too much power to the attitude. 

Stay Focused on the Core Issue 

A shrug or a sharp tone is often an attempt to distract from the actual behaviour that needs correcting. You can calmly redirect the conversation by saying, ‘I can see that you are feeling upset, but the behaviour I need to talk to you about is not acceptable.’ This keeps the focus where it belongs, instead of sparking a secondary argument over their tone. 

Respond with Calm Authority 

Children often test boundaries to see how far they can go. Meeting their backchat with a raised voice simply adds fuel to the fire. Instead, it is far more effective to lower your tone, speak slowly, and use brief, clear sentences. Your calmness in the face of their attitude demonstrates true strength, not weakness. 

Draw Boundaries for Respect 

While it is important to allow children the space to feel their frustration, there must also be clear limits on how they express it. You can say, ‘I am happy to listen to your feelings, but I will not listen if you are being disrespectful.’ This teaches them that while their emotions are valid, hurtful or rude speech is not an acceptable way to communicate them. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches believers to maintain dignity and self-control, even when provoked. A parent who responds to a child’s backchat with calmness rather than anger is not only managing the situation effectively but is also modelling profound Islamic virtues. 

The Command for a Moderate Voice 

The Quran reminds us that arrogance and harsh speech are displeasing, and that humility and a calm manner of expression are core virtues in Islam. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Luqman (31), Verses 19: 

‘And be modest in your attitude and lower your voice (in dealing with people); as indeed, the harshest of all sounds, is the noise of the donkeys.’ 

The True Definition of Strength 

The prophetic tradition teaches that real strength is demonstrated by managing one’s own anger and responding with dignity, even when provoked by others. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who can overpower others, but the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

By addressing your child’s backchat with calm authority, you are reflecting the Islamic value of self-control. Your child sees that even in moments of frustration, respect must guide their words. This balance helps them to build emotional maturity, teaching them that discipline and compassion can go hand in hand.