How do I remind my child about respect in heated moments? 

Parenting Perspective 

When emotions run high, it is easy for children to forget the boundaries of respectful communication, which can leave a parent feeling provoked. In these moments, your own calmness becomes the anchor that steadies the situation. Respect cannot be forced through shouting; it must be nurtured through calm reminders, consistent modelling, and giving children the chance to reset without shame. 

Pause Before Responding 

Taking even a short pause before you speak, such as by taking a deep breath or counting silently to five, allows you to regain your own composure. This small act also demonstrates to your child that respect involves controlling one’s immediate reactions rather than responding on impulse. 

Use Short, Clear Phrases 

During a heated moment, it is best to avoid lengthy explanations or lectures, as your child is unlikely to absorb them. Instead, use firm but calm lines that clearly state the boundary: 

• ‘We need to speak to each other kindly, even when we are upset.’ 

• ‘Respectful speech is a rule in our home.’ 

This communicates the non-negotiable boundary of respect without escalating the conflict. 

Model the Respect You Expect 

Children are very sensitive to a parent’s tone, body language, and choice of words. If you make a conscious effort to lower your own voice and remain steady, your child is more likely to mirror your calmness. Over time, they will learn from your example that respect must be maintained, even during a disagreement. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that maintaining respectful communication, even during disagreements, is a sign of strong faith. Parents are called to model this prophetic patience, guiding their children to control their words and actions in moments of anger. 

The Command to Speak with Excellence 

The Quran guides believers to always choose the best and kindest words, especially when upset, as this is a way to prevent unnecessary conflict and bring peace into our homes. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 53: 

‘And inform My servants that they should speak in only the politest manner (when they speak to the extremists in disbelief); indeed, Satan is (always ready for) infusing anarchy between them…’ 

The Value of Good Character 

The prophetic tradition teaches that good character, which includes patience and dignified speech, is not just a set of manners but is a profound act of worship that elevates a believer in the sight of Allah. 

It is recorded in Al Adab Al Mufrad, Hadith 272, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of you to Allah are those with the best character.’ 

When you remind your child about respect during heated moments, you are guiding them towards the very character that Allah loves. You show them that respect is a form of faith and that even in anger, a Muslim is called to honour others. This spiritual grounding helps your child to internalise respect as part of their identity, not just as a house rule.