How do I stop gifts from being the only way they show gratitude? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children may sometimes form the idea that gratitude is only expressed effectively through the giving or receiving of gifts. While material exchanges can certainly be meaningful, limiting gratitude to them risks teaching children that appreciation must always be a material exchange. True and deep gratitude is more effectively communicated through heartfelt words, sincere gestures, and consistent acts of kindness. 

Explaining That Gratitude Has Many Forms 

It is necessary to broaden your child’s understanding of what constitutes a genuine expression of thankfulness. 

Tell your child: “A gift is one kind way to say thank you, but kind words, smiles, or small helpful acts can also show a lot of gratitude.” 

This simple explanation begins to broaden their view of appreciation beyond the monetary or material. 

Modelling Non-Material Gratitude 

Children learn best by observing the practices of the adults around them. You must show them how to be grateful through daily example: 

• Say: “Thank you, I really appreciated your help with the cleaning.” 

• Write a short, handwritten note of thanks to someone who assisted you. 

• Give a hug or a sincere smile to express appreciation for a small kindness. 

Children naturally copy what they see practised consistently. 

Encouraging Verbal Expressions 

Help your child become proficient in using specific, impactful language to convey their appreciation clearly. 

Help them practise phrases such as: 

• “That really helped me today.” 

• “I am so grateful for what you did.” 

• “It made me happy when you shared your toy.” 

This active practice teaches them that words are powerful and often sufficient forms of thanks. 

Creating a Family Gratitude Routine 

Introduce regular, structured habits to normalise thankfulness as a daily occurrence, not just an occasional exchange tied to an event or gift. 

Introduce daily or weekly habits: 

• Sharing one thing you are thankful for at the dinner table. 

• Writing small gratitude notes to one another and leaving them as a surprise. 

Praising Thoughtful Gratitude 

Actively notice and commend moments when they express thanks using words or gestures, rather than relying on a gift. 

Say: “I really liked how you said thank you to your sister for helping with your shoes. That showed real appreciation.” 

By balancing gifts with genuine words, heartfelt gestures, and reliable routines, you help your child understand that gratitude is a daily habit, an attitude of the heart, not merely an occasional exchange. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches clearly that gratitude (shukr) is an act of worship that resides both in the heart and is expressed on the tongue. A true believer shows thankfulness not only through giving material goods but through kind words, sincere acknowledgement, and deep humility. 

Expressing Blessings with the Tongue 

The Quran reminds believers that verbal expression is a fundamental part of gratitude, ensuring that the blessings received are openly recognised. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Duha (93), Verse 11: 

‘Regarding the bestowments of your Sustainer, (celebrate them) by narrating them.’ 

This verse reminds us that openly expressing blessings and favours through words is an essential part of shukr (gratitude). 

Gratitude is Consistent and Required 

The Hadith emphasises that the ability to thank people is directly linked to one’s thankfulness to Allah Almighty, and that gratitude must be consistent, regardless of the size of the favour. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1955, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever does not thank people has not thanked Allah, and whoever is not grateful for little will not be grateful for much.’ 

This Hadith teaches that sincere gratitude must be consistent, whether for small or large things, and it can be effectively expressed through words and actions, not solely through gifts. 

When children learn to express gratitude effectively in words, smiles, and small acts of service, they begin to embody true shukr. This approach naturally nurtures humility, deeply strengthens their relationships, and profoundly reflects the prophetic way of valuing every blessing received, whether great or small.