What Can I Say When My Child Stares at People Different from Us? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a natural and common reaction for children to stare when they encounter someone who looks, dresses, or behaves in a way that is new to them. This staring usually comes from a place of pure curiosity, not malice. However, if it is left unaddressed, it can be perceived as rude and can make other people feel uncomfortable. By guiding your child with gentle words, you can help them to channel their natural curiosity into respectful, kind, and empathetic behaviour. 

Acknowledge Their Curiosity Without Judgment 

Instead of immediately scolding your child for staring, it is more effective to first respond calmly and acknowledge the feeling behind their action. You could say, ‘I can see that you are curious about that person. It is interesting to see that people in our world look and live in many different and wonderful ways.’ This shows your child that their feeling of curiosity is normal but requires gentle and respectful direction. 

Teach Respectful Ways to Express Curiosity 

Guide your child towards more considerate alternatives to staring. You can encourage them to: 

• Offer a polite and friendly smile instead of a fixed gaze. 

• Whisper any questions they have privately to you, rather than pointing or speaking loudly in front of the other person. 

• Use kind and respectful words if they do comment on a difference they notice. 

This helps to channel their natural curiosity into polite and respectful behaviour. 

Provide Simple, Matter-of-Fact Explanations 

If your child asks you a question about someone’s appearance, offer a simple, age-appropriate, and non-judgmental answer. You might say, ‘He is walking with a stick because it helps his body to move safely and comfortably,’ or ‘She is wearing that beautiful dress because it is part of her culture and faith.’ These short, clear explanations can satisfy their curiosity in a healthy way. 

Build Confidence Through Practice 

You can help your child to feel more comfortable and confident in these situations through gentle role-play at home. You could pretend to be a passer-by who looks a little different, and your child can practise offering a simple ‘Hello’ or a warm smile. This kind of practice makes the real-life moments easier to navigate. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Respectful Behaviour 

When you notice your child handling a situation with grace, be sure to praise their effort. You might say later, ‘I really liked how you just smiled and did not stare when we walked past that man. That showed a lot of respect.’ This positive reinforcement helps to strengthen their empathy and self-control. 

By patiently guiding your child in this way, you help them to transform their raw curiosity into a mature and compassionate response, preparing them to live with kindness and respect in our wonderfully diverse world. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to show dignity, respect, and compassion towards all people, regardless of their differences. The acts of staring or mocking are strongly discouraged, while kindness, humility, and good assumptions are encouraged as signs of a righteous character. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘ Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse is a direct command that prohibits mockery and disrespect. It is a powerful reminder that any outward differences we may observe in others should never be a cause for ridicule, as true worth is only known to Allah. 

It is recorded in Sunan Nisai, Hadith 4995, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe, and the believer is the one from whom people’s lives and wealth are safe.’ 

This hadith teaches us that a core part of faith is being a source of safety and comfort for others. For a child, this means learning to act in a way that makes people feel respected and at ease in their presence, no matter how different they may appear. 

When children learn not to stare but to respond with a quiet kindness, they are practising the virtues of empathy and respect. These important habits help to build their character into one that honours the diversity of Allah’s creation, spreads a sense of peace, and reflects the beautiful prophetic example of showing mercy to all people.