How Can I Model Kindness in My Friendships So They See It in Action? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children learn far more about relationships from what they see in our daily lives than from what they are told in lectures. When they consistently observe you treating your own friends with warmth, generosity, and respect, they will naturally absorb and replicate those behaviours in their own friendships. Modelling kindness is about being intentional in how you interact with others, knowing that your child is always watching and learning. 

Speak Positively About Your Friends 

Make a conscious effort to let your child hear you talking about your friends in a positive and appreciative light. You might say, ‘I am so grateful for how Sarah helped me out last week. She is such a thoughtful and reliable friend.’ This teaches them that true friendship is built on a foundation of gratitude and mutual appreciation, not on gossip or criticism. 

Involve Your Child in Acts of Care 

Show your child that friendship involves action by including them in your small gestures of kindness. This could be as simple as: 

• Helping you to write a thoughtful message to a friend who is going through a hard time. 

• Assisting you in the kitchen as you cook a meal to share with a neighbour. 

• Reminding you that it is time to call and check in on someone who has been unwell. 

When they see you give your time and effort, they learn that friendship is about active care, not just convenience. 

Model Loyalty and Trust 

Demonstrate what loyalty looks like by refusing to speak negatively about your friends when they are not present. If someone else makes a critical comment, you can defend your friend kindly by saying, ‘He was not able to make it today, but I am sure he had a very good reason.’ This teaches children that an essential part of kindness is loyalty and protecting the honour of your friends. 

Involve Them in Your Hospitality 

When a friend visits your home, greet them with genuine warmth and serve them with respect, and find small ways to involve your child in this hospitality. You could ask, ‘Can you please help me bring a glass of juice for our guest, Auntie Fatima?’ This makes your child an active participant in the act of kindness and welcome. 

Connect Your Actions with Their Positive Impact 

After an interaction, take a moment to reflect with your child. You could point out, ‘Did you see how happy Uncle Ahmed was when we called to wish him well? That is what kindness in friendship looks like in action.’ This helps to connect your positive behaviour with real and visible emotional outcomes. 

By consistently modelling these behaviours, you provide your child with a living, breathing example of how true kindness strengthens and deepens the bonds of friendship. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a high value on sincere and righteous friendship, viewing the kindness we show to our friends as a direct sign of our faith. The care we demonstrate in our friendships is not merely a social courtesy but a meaningful act of worship and loyalty. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Az Zukhruf (43), Verse 67: 

‘ When friends (will be gathered) on the Day of judgement, some of them will be enemies with each other, except those who attained virtuosity.‘ 

This powerful verse teaches us that the only friendships that will endure and benefit us in the Hereafter are those that were built on a foundation of righteousness, piety, and mutual goodness. It is a reminder to build our bonds on what is lasting. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 2101, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like that of the seller of musk and the blacksmith. The musk seller will either give you some perfume, you will buy it from him, or at least you will smell a pleasant fragrance. But the blacksmith will either burn your clothes or you will smell an offensive odour.’ 

This beautiful hadith clearly illustrates the profound impact our friends have on our character. By modelling kindness and choosing to be a good companion to others, we not only spread goodness but also benefit from the positive atmosphere we help to create. 

When children see their parents modelling kindness, loyalty, and support in their own friendships, they learn one of life’s most important lessons: that true friends are those who uplift, comfort, and encourage one another. Over time, they will carry this invaluable blueprint into their own relationships, choosing to build their friendships on the lasting foundation of kindness.