How Do I Help My Child Greet Elders Politely Even on Shy Days? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is very common for children to feel shy when meeting elders, particularly those outside of their immediate family circle. One day they might offer a warm and clear greeting, and the next they might hide behind your legs or refuse to speak at all. While shyness is a natural feeling, it is important to gently guide them towards offering a polite greeting. This practice teaches them respect, builds their social confidence, and strengthens the vital ties of family and community. 

Validate Shyness While Upholding Expectations 

The first step is to acknowledge your child’s feelings without excusing the need for politeness. You can say, ‘I know you feel a little shy sometimes, and that is perfectly okay. It is still very important that we show respect by offering a simple salaam.’ This approach reassures the child that their feelings are understood, while keeping the expectation of respect clear and consistent. 

Build Confidence Through Practice 

Practising in the calm and safe environment of your home can make a world of difference. You can role-play greeting elders during playtime, taking turns to be the guest and the host. A simple exchange like, Parent: ‘Assalamu alaikum, Auntie. How are you today?’ Child: ‘Wa alaikum assalam,’ helps to build the muscle memory for politeness, making it easier to access in real-life situations. 

Offer Small and Manageable Options 

For a child struggling with shyness, breaking the act of greeting down into smaller, manageable choices can be very helpful. You can offer them different ways to show respect, such as: 

• A clearly spoken salaam. 

• A quiet salaam accompanied by a warm smile. 

• A friendly wave and some eye contact if their voice feels completely stuck. 

These options empower the child to participate in a way that feels possible for them, gradually building their comfort until they can offer greetings aloud. This shows them that effort is what matters. 

Acknowledge and Praise the Effort 

When your child makes an attempt, no matter how small, be sure to recognise it. Even a whispered salaam deserves quiet appreciation later on: ‘I really liked the way you gave salaam to Uncle, even though I know you were feeling shy. That showed a lot of respect.’ This approach reinforces the effort without adding pressure for perfection. 

Lead by Your Own Warm Example 

Children learn social graces primarily by observing the adults around them. When you greet elders warmly and respectfully in front of your child, they learn that this is a natural and important part of family life. Your consistent, positive example is the most powerful teacher of all. 

By combining patience with gentle insistence, you help your child understand that greeting elders is not about instantly overcoming their shyness, but about learning to show respect in whatever way they can manage in the moment. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places a very high value on the act of greeting others with salaam (peace), and this is especially emphasised when it comes to showing respect for elders. Teaching children to do this, even when they feel shy, is a way of instilling the virtues of humility and respect while bringing immense blessings into the home. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Noor (24), Verse 61: 

‘…But when you enter the houses, then say Salaam in your greeting, pertaining to Allah (Almighty) for your own benefit, which is blessed and a source of purification…’ 

This verse teaches that the salaam is not merely a social etiquette but a blessed greeting that originates from Allah Himself. It is a means of bringing goodness and divine blessings into our homes and relationships. 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 68, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘You will not enter Paradise until you believe, and you will not believe until you love one another. Shall I tell you something that, if you do it, you will love one another? Spread salaam among yourselves.’ 

This beautiful hadith directly links the spreading of salaam to the increase of love between people, which in turn is a condition for true faith. This makes the simple act of greeting a cornerstone of a healthy and loving community. 

When children greet their elders politely, even with a shy and quiet voice, they are practising a beloved sunnah that is a source of blessing and love. Over time, they will come to understand that the salaam is not just a form of courtesy, but a powerful spiritual tool for connecting hearts, strengthening family bonds, and drawing closer to Allah Almighty.