What Should I Do When an Older Child Resents Slowing Down for a Younger Sibling? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a natural and common experience for older children to feel frustrated when they are constantly asked to slow down for a younger sibling, whether that means walking at a snail’s pace to school, playing a game with simpler rules, or waiting for them to finish a chore. They can easily see this as unfair or as something that is holding them back. Your role is to validate their feelings while gently helping them to understand that caring for a younger sibling is not a burden to be endured, but a responsibility and an honour to be embraced. 

Validate Their Feelings of Frustration 

Before you can guide them, you must first show your older child that you understand their perspective. You could say, ‘I know it must feel very hard to have to wait when you are able to go so much faster. It is completely okay to feel frustrated by that.’ By validating their feelings, you reduce their resistance and create an opening for them to hear your guidance. This shows them you are on their side. 

Reframe Patience as Leadership 

Help your older child to see the situation through a different lens by linking the act of slowing down to love, maturity, and responsibility. Explain, ‘Your younger brother really looks up to you. When you slow down for him, you are not just waiting; you are showing him that you care. That makes you a strong and kind leader.’ This reframes the act from a loss of their freedom to a gain in their maturity. 

Ensure Their Age Comes with Privileges, Not Just Burdens 

It is important that your older child does not feel that being older only means having to make sacrifices. Balance the responsibility of waiting for a younger sibling by also providing them with special privileges suited to their age. At times, let them go on ahead or enjoy an activity on their own. This prevents resentment from building and shows that you respect their growing independence. 

Foster a Sense of Teamwork 

Turn situations that require waiting into opportunities for collaboration. You could say, ‘Let us see how we can all get to the car together as a team. Perhaps you could help by guiding your sister along the path while I carry the bags?’ This approach creates a sense of shared family effort, rather than making the older child feel like they are the only one being inconvenienced. 

Acknowledge and Praise Their Patience 

When you see your older child slowing down or waiting willingly, make sure to recognise their effort. A simple, appreciative comment like, ‘I really noticed how you slowed your pace so your brother could keep up with you. That was a very caring and thoughtful thing to do,’ makes their patience feel valued and rewarding. 

By balancing empathy for their frustration with a clear expectation of kindness, you teach your older child that slowing down is not about losing speed, but about gaining strength of character, kindness, and responsibility. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam greatly honours the virtues of patience, care, and responsibility, especially towards those who are younger or more vulnerable. Teaching an older sibling to slow down for a younger one is a practical way of reflecting the prophetic values of mercy and leadership within the family. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty…’ 

This verse is a reminder that our duty to do good includes treating our own relatives with fairness and ihsan (excellence). For siblings, this means supporting and caring for one another, even when it requires a great deal of patience. 

It is recorded in Sunan Abu Dawood, Hadith 4943, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘He is not one of us who does not show mercy to our young ones and respect to our elders.’ 

This powerful hadith makes it clear that showing mercy towards those who are younger is an essential characteristic of a believer. For an older sibling, the simple act of slowing down is a tangible form of mercy that brings them closer to the beautiful example of the Prophet ﷺ. 

When older children learn to see their patience with a younger sibling as an act of mercy and a sign of responsible leadership, their small, daily sacrifices are elevated to the status of worship. Over time, this understanding can transform their resentment into a quiet sense of pride, knowing that they are growing into people of compassion, strength, and ihsan.