How Do I Coach Siblings to Check In on Each Other After an Upset? 

Parenting Perspective 

After a disagreement or an accident, it is natural for siblings to retreat into their own feelings of hurt or frustration. However, these sensitive moments are also profound opportunities to build empathy and strengthen their bond. Teaching children to check in on one another after an upset transforms a moment of conflict into a chance for connection, helping them to learn compassion and the vital skill of repairing relationships. 

Lead by Example 

The most effective way to teach this behaviour is to model it yourself. Show your children how to check in by doing it for them and with them. You might say gently, ‘I can see you are feeling upset. Would you like a hug, or would you prefer a little space?’ By consistently demonstrating this gentle care, they will learn that this is the expected way to respond to another’s distress. This makes your actions their primary teacher. 

Provide Simple, Gentle Language 

Children often feel awkward or unsure of what to say in these moments. Providing them with a few simple, ready-to-use phrases can remove this barrier and build their confidence. You can suggest they ask, ‘Are you okay?’ or ‘Is there anything I can do to help?’ Having this ‘kindness script’ makes it easier for them to take that first step towards reconciliation. 

Integrate Checking In into Conflict Resolution 

Make the act of checking in a standard part of your family’s process for resolving conflicts. After apologies have been made, you can guide them to the final step by saying, ‘Now that we have said sorry, it is important to also ask your sister if she is feeling okay.’ This embeds empathy as a crucial closing step after any dispute. 

Acknowledge and Praise the Effort 

When one child remembers to check in on their sibling, even if it is in a small or hesitant way, make a point of highlighting it. A quiet word of praise like, ‘I really liked how you went to see if your brother was alright. That showed a very caring heart,’ connects their action with a sense of pride and positive identity. 

Discuss the ‘Why’ During Calm Moments 

Take the opportunity during calmer times to talk about why this practice is so important. You could explain, ‘When you check in on your sibling after an argument, you are showing them that their feelings matter more to you than the disagreement did. That is what helps to heal the hurt.’ This helps them understand that kindness after a conflict is just as important as avoiding the conflict in the first place. 

By coaching your children in this gentle way, you can transform moments of tension and hurt into powerful lessons in empathy, responsibility, and lasting love. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places an immense emphasis on compassion, forgiveness, and the sacred duty of repairing relationships between believers. Teaching siblings to check in on one another after they have had an upset is a beautiful way of aligning the family’s daily life with these profound prophetic values of mercy and care. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 10: 

‘Indeed, the believers are brothers (to each other); so, make peace with your brothers; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty) so that you may receive His Mercy.‘ 

This verse highlights the active duty of believers to make peace and restore harmony with one another. For siblings, the simple act of checking in after an argument is a small but deeply meaningful way to live this divine command within their own home. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1924, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The merciful are shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One above the heavens will have mercy upon you.’ 

This beautiful hadith teaches that showing mercy to others, especially when they are in a vulnerable state, is a direct means of attracting the mercy of Allah. Teaching siblings to comfort each other after a conflict is therefore not only an act of love but also a profound act of worship. 

When siblings learn to check in on one another after an upset, they are actively practising the virtues of mercy, compassion, and reconciliation. These small gestures train their hearts to heal rifts, strengthen their bonds, and grow into people who spread gentleness and care within their family and beyond.