How Do I Encourage Genuine Congratulations When a Sibling Succeeds? 

Parenting Perspective 

When one child in the family achieves something noteworthy whether it is finishing a difficult puzzle, scoring a goal in a game, or receiving praise from a teacher it is natural for their siblings to feel a pang of jealousy instead of pure joy. Their congratulations might come out sounding forced, or perhaps not at all. Encouraging genuine celebration means teaching your children to be happy for one another’s successes without feeling that it diminishes their own value. 

Validate Their Feelings Before Guiding Them 

A child’s envy is often hidden behind a wall of silence or a sarcastic comment. It is crucial to validate their feelings before trying to guide their behaviour. You could say, ‘I know it can be hard when it feels like it is your brother’s turn to be celebrated. It is okay to feel that way. We can still find a way to be happy for him.’ This shows them that feeling envious does not make them a bad person; it is simply a feeling that needs gentle direction. 

Demonstrate What Sincere Praise Looks Like 

Children learn sincerity by observing it. Model the behaviour you wish to see with your own warm and genuine praise: ‘Well done on finishing your homework so neatly! I am so proud of your hard work.’ You can then turn to the other sibling and say, ‘This is how we show we are happy for each other. Would you like to add your own congratulations?’ Your warmth in tone and words is the best teacher. 

Provide a ‘Kindness Script’ 

Sometimes, a child feels awkward and does not know what to say. Providing them with a few simple, kind phrases can make it much easier for them to respond positively. You could suggest they say things like, ‘Well done, that was great!’ or ‘I am really happy for you,’ or ‘You worked so hard for that, and it shows.’ Having a simple script can bridge the gap until the feelings become more natural. 

Make Celebration a Family Ritual 

Create a family culture where celebrating each other’s efforts is a normal and frequent event. You could make it a routine at mealtimes to ask, ‘Did anyone see someone in the family do something today that we can all celebrate together?’ This shifts the family focus from individual competition to a sense of shared joy and collective success. 

Acknowledge Their Support for Each Other 

When one child does manage to offer sincere congratulations, make a point of praising that act specifically. You might say later in private, ‘I really loved the way you encouraged your sister when she won her game. That showed such a kind and generous heart.’ This reinforces that supporting others is an achievement in itself. 

By normalising mutual appreciation, you teach your children that celebrating each other’s successes is one of the most powerful ways to strengthen the bonds of love in a family. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam actively nurtures a heart that loves to see goodness bestowed upon others, not just upon oneself. Learning to congratulate a sibling with a sincere heart is a small but powerful way for a child to practise this noble Islamic teaching in their daily life. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nisa (4), Verse 32: 

‘…And (if you wish for more) ask Allah (Almighty) from His benefactions (to give you more); indeed, Allah (Almighty) is Omniscient over everything.’ 

This verse provides a direct remedy for feelings of envy. It teaches children that instead of focusing on what others have been given, they should turn their own hearts towards Allah and ask for His blessings, while appreciating the gifts He has given to their siblings. 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 45, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself.’ 

This foundational hadith teaches that a sign of true and complete faith is the ability to feel genuine joy for the successes of others. For siblings, this means learning to congratulate each other with sincerity and truly wishing the best for one another is an act of faith. 

When children learn to congratulate each other genuinely, they are not only practising beautiful manners but are also purifying their hearts and strengthening their faith. They grow into individuals who see another’s success as a blessing to be celebrated, not a threat to their own worth. This attitude transforms sibling rivalry into mutual love, creating a family culture of compassion, encouragement, and shared happiness.