What is a gentle way to remind my child that real role models lift others up, not put them down? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children can sometimes admire individuals who seem ‘cool’ or powerful because they joke at others’ expense or show off. This behaviour can be misleading, teaching a false idea of strength. It is important to gently remind your child that a true role model is someone who builds people up, not one who tears them down. 

Use Gentle and Positive Framing 

Rather than directly criticising the person your child admires, it is more effective to reframe the definition of a good leader. Use simple, positive, and encouraging language. 

• You could say, ‘A person with true strength makes others feel safe and respected, not small.’ 

• Or, ‘Real leaders do not need to push others down; they are confident enough to help others stand tall.’ 

Highlight Uplifting Behaviour in Action 

Children learn best from concrete, real-life examples. When you see someone demonstrating supportive and kind behaviour, point it out. 

• ‘Did you see how the teacher praised everyone for their effort? That is what good leaders do; they encourage everyone.’ 

• ‘Our neighbour helped the delivery driver with his heavy boxes. That is a wonderful example of lifting others up.’ 

Use Role-Play to Contrast Behaviours 

Act out different scenarios to make the lesson clear and memorable. Contrast a leader who puts others down with one who is supportive. 

• In one scene, have a character mock or exclude someone. In the next, have them encourage and include them. 

• Afterward, ask your child, ‘Which person would you rather have as a friend? Which one do you think Allah would be more pleased with?’ 

Acknowledge When They Lift Others Up 

Celebrate every small act of encouragement your child shows. This positive reinforcement will motivate them to repeat the behaviour. 

• ‘You made your friend smile when you helped them with that game. That is a perfect example of lifting someone up.’ 

• ‘I love how you spoke so kindly to your sibling just now. That is exactly what a real role model does.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance from the Quran 

Islam strictly forbids believers from looking down on others, reminding us that true worth is only known to Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This clear and direct verse forbids believers from ridiculing one another, reminding us that we can never know the true worth of another person. It teaches that respect is a fundamental principle of faith, and putting others down is a sign of arrogance that is displeasing to Allah. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught that the most beloved actions are those that are consistent, emphasising the value of steady, quiet goodness. 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6464, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most beloved of deeds to Allah are those that are most consistent, even if they are small.’ 

This Hadith teaches that small but consistent acts of kindness and encouragement are far more valuable than attention-seeking behaviour that puts others down. It helps a child understand that a true role model is someone who inspires through steady goodness, not through fleeting displays of arrogance.