What if my child copies kindness less than they copy rudeness? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be disheartening for parents to see their child imitate rude behaviour more readily than kind actions. This is, however, a very common and normal phase. Rudeness often appears louder and more powerful to a child, while kindness can seem quiet or passive. Your role as a parent is to make kindness just as visible, attractive, and rewarding, so your child understands its true strength and chooses to copy it more often. 

Make Kindness Impossible to Ignore 

A child’s attention is naturally drawn to things that are highlighted and praised. It is therefore essential to give positive attention to acts of kindness whenever you see them. 

• Verbally point it out: ‘Did you see how your friend shared their snack? That was an amazing act of generosity.’ 

• Affirm their own kind actions: ‘I love how gently you spoke just now. That was so kind and respectful.’ 

The more you spotlight goodness, the more your child will learn to recognise and value it. 

Celebrate and Reinforce Kind Actions 

When your child demonstrates kindness, no matter how small the act, celebrate it immediately. This makes the behaviour feel important and rewarding. 

• Offer a warm smile, a hug, or a sincere ‘thank you’. 

• Use affirming language that connects the act to a higher value: ‘That was a strong and kind choice. You should be proud of that.’ 

Positive reinforcement makes kindness feel just as powerful and attention-grabbing as rudeness often appears. 

Practise Kindness Through Role-Play 

You can use playtime to rehearse social scenarios and help your child see kindness as an active choice. 

• Create a scene with toys where one character is being rude and another is being kind. 

• Ask your child thoughtful questions: ‘Which one of these characters is making the other feel happy? Which one is better to copy?’ 

• Practise the kind response together, showing them what it looks and sounds like. 

Be an Enthusiastic Model of Kindness 

Children are most likely to copy the behaviours they see modelled consistently and genuinely. Make a conscious effort to demonstrate kindness in your own actions. 

• Speak gently and respectfully, especially when you are feeling frustrated. 

• Share with others generously and explain the joy it brings you. 

• You can even narrate your choices: ‘I am choosing to be patient right now because kindness makes our home feel peaceful.’ 

When you model enthusiastic kindness, it becomes an inspiring and desirable trait for your child to imitate. 

Spiritual Insight 

Guidance from the Quran 

Islam elevates good conduct to the highest level of importance, framing it as a direct command from our Creator. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verse 90: 

‘Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).’ 

This verse powerfully frames good conduct not merely as a suggestion but as a divine command from Allah. By explaining this to your child, you elevate the importance of kindness, showing them that it is a quality beloved by their Creator and far more significant than any fleeting display of rudeness. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ taught us that no act of goodness is too small to be valued and recognised. 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 121, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Do not belittle any good deed, even if it is meeting your brother with a cheerful face.’ 

This beautiful Hadith teaches that every single act of kindness has immense worth in the sight of Allah. Sharing this wisdom helps your child understand that even the smallest gesture, like a smile, is a valuable and praiseworthy action worth copying.