How do I show them that choosing not to copy is also strength? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often associate strength with copying powerful-looking actions, such as rough play, loud words, or dramatic reactions. From their perspective, refusing to copy these behaviours can feel like a sign of weakness or a risk of being left out. Your role is to help them reframe this idea by teaching them that real strength lies in making wise and independent choices, especially when it is difficult to do so. 

Redefining Strength in Simple Terms 

You need to actively redefine what strength means for your child. Consistently repeating this message helps to build a new and powerful association in their minds between strength and self-control. 

• ‘True strength is not about doing what everyone else does. It is about choosing what is right, even if you are the only one doing it.’ 

• ‘Strong children have the courage to say no to things that could hurt or upset people.’ 

Using Real-Life Examples of Self-Control 

Point out examples of people who have demonstrated strength by choosing a different path. This makes the concept real and admirable. 

• An older sibling who walks away from a pointless argument. 

• A sports player who remains calm and focused under pressure. 

• Your own example, when you remain patient instead of raising your voice. 

You can explain, ‘Did you see that? That is what real strength looks like. They controlled themselves instead of just copying what others were doing.’ 

Practising Through Role-Play 

Act out simple scenarios to give them a chance to practise this new kind of strength. This practice allows them to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment in making the ‘stronger’ choice not to copy. 

• Pretend to do a silly or unkind action and then ask your child, ‘What would be the strong choice for you to make right now?’ 

• Offer plenty of praise when they verbally choose not to copy the negative behaviour. 

Celebrating Independent and Wise Choices 

Whenever you see your child successfully resist the impulse to copy a negative action, make sure to highlight it. By consistently affirming these moments, you help them to forge a strong mental link between self-control and strength, replacing the old link between imitation and strength. 

• ‘I saw you stop yourself from joining in with that silliness. That showed real strength.’ 

• ‘You chose to be kind even when others were not. That is what makes you a strong person.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam consistently defines true strength not as physical power or social dominance, but as the internal fortitude to control one’s own soul. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Aalai Imran (3), Verses 134: 

‘…They suppress their anger; and are forgiving to people; and Allah (Almighty) loves those who are benevolent.’ 

This verse beautifully illustrates that true strength is found in the acts of restraining anger and showing forgiveness, not in reacting to or copying harmful behaviour. When you teach your child that patience and self-control are beloved to Allah, you are aligning their understanding of strength with divine wisdom. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sunan Ibn Majah, Hadith 4189, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘There is nothing swallowed greater in reward with Allah than a servant who swallows his anger, seeking the Face of Allah.’ 

This powerful hadith reframes strength not as an outward action, but as an inward act of self-restraint for the sake of Allah. Teaching your child that the act of refusing to copy a wrong is a highly rewardable act of strength helps them to connect their daily choices with the ultimate goal of pleasing Allah. By combining practical examples, consistent praise, and spiritual reminders, you can show your child that choosing not to copy is the opposite of weakness. It is, in fact, true strength the kind that is loved by Allah and respected by good people.