How can I give them tools to respond differently next time? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children copy harmful behaviour, it is often because they simply do not yet have a better response in their toolkit. Giving them practical tools and rehearsed alternatives empowers them to make a better choice in the heat of the moment. With the right strategies, they can learn a crucial life lesson: while we cannot always control what we see, we can always control how we respond. 

Teaching the ‘Stop, Think, Choose’ Method 

Introduce your child to a simple three-step process that can help them to manage their impulses. Practising this method together through brief role-play sessions will help it become a familiar and accessible tool for them. 

• Stop: First, pause your body before you copy the action. 

• Think: Next, ask yourself, ‘Will this hurt or will this help?’ 

• Choose: Finally, choose the action that is safe and kind. 

Offering Specific Replacement Actions 

Children thrive when given concrete, actionable options. It is not enough to say, ‘Do not hit’; you must also offer a positive alternative. 

• Instead of hitting, they can: 

• Clap their hands together three times. 

• Squeeze a cushion or a soft toy. 

• Take three big, deep breaths. 

• Instead of shouting or using unkind words, they can: 

• Say, ‘I am feeling very angry right now.’ 

• Walk to a quiet space for a moment. 

• Use an agreed-upon family signal word, like ‘Pause’. 

Using Visual Reminders 

Create simple posters or cue cards and place them in visible areas like the playroom or on the fridge. For younger children especially, these visual cues can be powerful reminders of what to do when they feel overwhelmed. 

• ‘Safe Hands, Safe Words.’ 

• ‘Kind Choices Only.’ 

• A simple drawing of a traffic light for ‘Stop, Think, Choose.’ 

Praising the Effort, Not Just the Outcome 

It is important to affirm their effort, even if they only partially succeed in managing their response. With consistent practice and encouragement, these tools will gradually become ingrained habits. 

• ‘You stopped for a moment before you shouted. That was excellent progress.’ 

• ‘I really like that you walked away from the argument instead of copying the unkind words.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true strength is not in our initial emotional reaction, but in the patient and considered response we choose to make. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 43: 

‘ And for the person who is patient and forgiving, indeed, (these acts are derived from) higher moral determination.‘ 

This verse reminds us that choosing to be patient and forgiving, rather than immediately reacting, is a mark of true strength and resolve. Giving your child practical tools to manage their impulses is a way of helping them to apply this noble value in their everyday lives. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 7354, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The one who restrains his anger, Allah will fill his heart with contentment on the Day of Resurrection.’ 

This beautiful hadith highlights the immense spiritual reward for controlling one’s immediate, emotional response. By teaching your child calming techniques and alternative actions, you are helping them to practise this prophetic guidance on patience and self-mastery. When practical strategies are combined with spiritual guidance, children learn not only how to avoid copying harmful behaviour but also how to embody the patience, mercy, and true strength that will benefit them throughout their lives.