What if my child blames copying others to avoid accountability? 

Parenting Perspective 

It is a common childhood tactic to say, ‘But he did it first!’ or ‘I was only copying!’ when caught doing something wrong. For a child who is still learning about accountability, blaming others often feels safer and easier than taking responsibility. While imitation is a natural part of development, it is essential for children to learn that they are ultimately responsible for their own choices, regardless of the influence. 

Acknowledge the Influence but Redirect to Choice 

When your child tries to blame their behaviour on copying someone else, you can respond with calm firmness. This response shows that you understand their perspective but firmly clarifies that the final choice was their own. 

• ‘I understand that you saw someone else do it, but you made the choice to do it too.’ 

• ‘Even if other people are making mistakes, you can still choose to do the right thing.’ 

Teach the Difference Between Influence and Responsibility 

Explain in simple terms that not all copying is the same. Using simple comparisons helps them to grasp that while some forms of copying are positive, the responsibility for the choice always remains with them. 

• ‘We can learn good things from others, like how to share or be helpful.’ 

• ‘But when we see something that is unkind or unsafe, our job is to choose not to copy it.’ 

Practising Accountability Through Role-Play 

Act out simple scenarios where one character does something wrong and another copies them. This practice allows your child to explore the concept of accountability in a safe and playful environment. 

• Ask them directly: ‘Who is responsible for what they did?’ 

• ‘What is one thing the second person could have chosen to do differently?’ 

Praising the Act of Taking Ownership 

Whenever your child admits their fault without trying to shift the blame, make sure to celebrate it as a sign of strength and maturity. The more you connect taking ownership with praise and recognition, the more they will come to value it as a positive trait. 

• ‘Thank you for being so honest about your part in this. That shows real strength.’ 

• ‘I am so proud that you took responsibility for your choice.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that personal accountability is non-negotiable. While we may be influenced by others, we are each ultimately responsible for our own deeds before Allah. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 15: 

‘…And no one shall bear the responsibility of the burdens of another, and We (Allah Almighty) do not seek to punish anyone (for the errors), until We have sent a Messenger (to them, clearly stipulating the path of righteousness).‘ 

This verse establishes a clear and profound principle: every soul is accountable for its own guidance or error, independent of what others do. Teaching this to your child helps them understand that blaming others is never a valid excuse in the sight of Allah. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Mishkaat Al Masaabih, Hadith 2341, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Every son of Adam is a sinner, and the best of sinners are those who repent.’ 

This hadith is a comforting reminder that making mistakes is part of the human condition. However, it also teaches that the best and strongest individuals are those who admit their errors and repent. When you teach your child to take responsibility instead of shifting blame, you are guiding them towards the noble path of honesty, repentance, and spiritual growth. Helping your child to accept accountability is one of the greatest gifts you can give them, as it teaches them integrity and self-respect. Over time, they will learn that even if others make poor choices, they have the strength to stand apart, and that taking responsibility brings them closer to Allah.