What should I say to help them pause before repeating what they saw? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often act impulsively, copying what they see without a moment’s thought. They might repeat words, gestures, or even aggressive actions before considering the consequences. Your role is to equip them with simple, memorable phrases that can act as an internal ‘pause button’, helping them to slow down and think before they act. 

Teaching Short Self-Reminder Phrases 

Children need easy-to-remember cues that they can repeat to themselves in a challenging moment. It is best to practise these phrases during calm moments, so they are easily accessible when emotions are running high. 

• ‘Stop and think.’ 

• ‘Is this a kind choice?’ 

• ‘Use safe hands and safe words.’ 

Using Gentle Prompts in the Moment 

When you see your child is about to copy a harmful action, you can intervene with a short, guiding prompt. These brief and consistent prompts are tools that help them build the muscle of self-control. 

• ‘Pause. Is this good to copy?’ 

• ‘Let us check first. Will this help or hurt?’ 

• ‘Remember, strong children stop and choose.’ 

Practising the ‘Pause and Choose’ Method 

Set up playful and simple scenarios at home to build this skill. This rehearsal helps the act of pausing to feel more natural and automatic when a real situation arises. 

• Pretend to demonstrate a negative action, like grabbing a toy. 

• Ask your child to practise pausing and saying, ‘No, that is not a good thing to copy.’ 

• Then, demonstrate a positive action, like sharing, and encourage them to copy that instead. 

Praising the Act of Pausing 

When you witness your child successfully pausing before copying a negative action, it is important to celebrate that moment. This positive reinforcement teaches them that the act of pausing is itself a powerful and valued choice. 

• ‘I am so proud of you for stopping to think first.’ 

• Offer a warm smile, a hug, or another small gesture of encouragement. 

Spiritual Insight 

The Islamic tradition places great importance on mindfulness, reflection, and accountability for one’s actions, all of which begin with the ability to pause. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Israa (17), Verses 36: 

‘And do not pursue (to meddle in matters) with which you have no knowledge; indeed, your hearing (everything you heard), your sight (everything you observed), your conscience (everything you thought), in fact, all of these (your faculties) shall be called for questioning (on the Day of Judgment).‘ 

This verse is a powerful reminder that we are accountable for our actions and that our choices should be made with care and consideration. By teaching a child to pause before they imitate, you are planting the early seeds of accountability for their words and deeds. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 705, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent.’ 

This hadith teaches a profound lesson in restraint, showing that sometimes the most powerful action is to pause and say nothing at all. By teaching your child to stop and think, you help them cultivate the habit of self-control, which is a hallmark of true strength in Islam. By equipping your child with these ‘pause phrases’, you nurture their ability to think before they act, protecting them from harm and guiding them towards the kindness and accountability that is pleasing to Allah.