How do I help my child notice when they are copying bad behaviour? 

Parenting Perspective 

Children often copy behaviours without consciously realising they are doing so. They might see a sibling roll their eyes, a classmate use a rude word, or a cartoon character act aggressively, and then imitate the action without a second thought. Your role extends beyond simply stopping the behaviour; it involves helping your child to become aware of their own actions. Self-awareness is the first and most critical step towards self-control. 

Drawing Gentle Attention to the Behaviour 

Instead of scolding, which can cause a child to become defensive, point out the behaviour in a calm and observational way. This encourages them to pause and reflect rather than continuing to act on impulse. 

• ‘Did you notice how your voice just sounded? It was just like the character in that show.’ 

• ‘I saw you push your cup away like that. Can you think of a gentler way to show me you are finished?’ 

Using Questions for Self-Reflection 

Children learn most effectively when they are guided to think for themselves. Asking gentle questions can build both empathy and self-awareness. 

• ‘How do you think it would feel if someone spoke to you with that tone?’ 

• ‘Was that your own choice, or were you copying something you saw earlier?’ 

• ‘Did that action help the situation or make it feel worse?’ 

Creating Simple, Non-Verbal Signals 

Sometimes, using words in the heat of the moment can be counterproductive. It can be helpful to agree on a quiet, non-verbal signal such as a gentle tap on the arm or a specific hand gesture to remind your child that they are copying an undesirable behaviour. This method avoids public embarrassment while still holding them accountable. 

Practising Through Role-Play 

During calm and relaxed moments, you can act out different scenarios involving good and bad examples of imitation. Show them both versions and ask them to identify the better choice. This practice helps them to more easily recognise the difference between positive and negative behaviours in a real-life situation. 

Reinforcing Positive Choices and Self-Correction 

When you see your child catch themselves and make a better choice, offer immediate and sincere praise. The more you positively reinforce their self-awareness, the stronger that skill will become. 

• ‘I am so proud of you for stopping yourself when you realised you were copying.’ 

• ‘That was a very strong choice. You chose to be kind instead.’ 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places great emphasis on self-awareness and accountability (muraqabah), as these are the foundations of a conscious and deliberate faith. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hashar (59), Verses 18: 

‘ All those of you who are believers, seek piety from Allah (Almighty); and let every person anticipate (the consequences of) what they have sent forth (in the Hereafter) for the next day; and seek piety from Allah (Almighty); as indeed, Allah (Almighty) is fully Cognisant with all your actions.‘ 

This verse is a profound call for self-reflection, urging us to be mindful of our actions and their consequences. Teaching a child to pause and notice when they are copying a negative behaviour is an early and practical step towards developing this spiritual mindfulness. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2378, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘A man is upon the religion of his close friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.’ 

This hadith powerfully illustrates the deep influence that our companions have on our character and faith. By teaching your child to be aware of the behaviours they copy, you are equipping them with the critical skill of choosing positive influences over negative ones. By gently guiding your child towards this self-awareness, you are nurturing the crucial qualities of empathy and self-discipline. Over time, they will learn not only to avoid copying negative behaviours but also to take full responsibility for their own choices, in a way that is pleasing to Allah.