What if copied aggression becomes a habit at home? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be exhausting and disheartening when copied aggression, such as hitting, shouting, or stomping, becomes a repeated habit at home. You might feel that your efforts are not working and begin to worry that these behaviours will become ingrained. Remember, habits are formed through repetition and reinforcement, which can often happen unintentionally. The positive news is that with consistent guidance and calm strategies, these habits can be unlearned and replaced with healthier ones. 

Breaking the Cycle with Calmness 

When the aggressive behaviour occurs, it is vital to avoid shouting or responding harshly, as this only reinforces the negative cycle. 

• Interrupt the action immediately and firmly: ‘We do not hit. Hands are for helping.’ 

• Guide them towards a safe alternative, such as squeezing a cushion or taking a deep breath. 

• Remain steady, as your calmness is a more powerful teacher than your words alone. 

The Importance of Absolute Consistency 

Children learn through repetition. If aggression is sometimes ignored and at other times met with a harsh response, the child becomes confused. Applying the same firm but calm response every single time sends a clear message: aggression is never an effective way to get what you want. 

Reinforcing Positive Behaviour 

Shift your focus from what your child is doing wrong to what they are doing right. When children learn that kindness and cooperation receive more positive attention than aggression does, the habit naturally begins to weaken. 

• Praise even the smallest steps in the right direction: ‘You used your words to tell me you were upset instead of hitting. That showed real strength.’ 

• Give your positive attention freely for gentle play, sharing, or helping around the house. 

Creating a Home Culture of Respect 

Your child will ultimately copy the emotional atmosphere of your home. The more your child is immersed in an environment of gentleness, the more natural it will feel for them to adopt it. 

• Speak respectfully to your spouse and other family members. 

• Resolve conflicts calmly and without resorting to raised voices. 

• Apologise when you make mistakes, modelling that humility is also a form of strength. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam provides a clear framework for family life, built on the foundations of good conduct, justice, and mercy. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Nahal (16), Verses 90: 

‘ Indeed, Allah (Almighty) orders you to promote justice and benevolence; and to be generous towards (positively developing) those that are within your jurisdiction; and to prevent that which is immoral, acts of irrationality, and cruelty; and He (Allah Almighty) offers this enlightened direction so that you continue to realise (the true pathway of Islam).‘ 

This verse clarifies that harmful behaviour and oppression, even in the seemingly small context of the home, are forbidden, while good conduct and fairness are commanded by Allah. Teaching this core principle helps a child understand that aggression is unacceptable in the sight of their Creator. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Riyadh Al Saliheen, Hadith 278, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The most perfect of believers in faith are those with the best character, and the best of you are those who are best to their families.’ 

This hadith provides a beautiful reminder that the truest measure of our faith is reflected in how we treat our own families. By teaching your child that kindness at home is a vital part of being a good Muslim, you empower them to replace aggressive habits with mercy and respect. When aggression has become a habit, your patient consistency can transform the challenge into an opportunity. It becomes a chance to teach your child that lasting strength comes not from force, but from self-control, compassion, and the noble character that is beloved by Allah.