How can I show them better outlets when they mimic harmful actions? 

Parenting Perspective 

When children copy harmful actions whether it is hitting, shouting, or throwing things it is usually because they have observed that behaviour ‘working’ for someone else. They are still developing the skills to handle big emotions and frustrations, so they naturally mimic actions that appear powerful. Your role is to provide them with safe and constructive outlets that still satisfy their need to express powerful feelings and release energy. 

Intervening with Calm Redirection 

When you see your child copying a harmful action, it is important to respond immediately but gently. This approach teaches them that while their feelings are valid, the resulting action must be a safe one. 

• Stop the behaviour without any harshness: ‘We do not hit. That hurts.’ 

• Immediately redirect their energy: ‘If you are feeling angry, you can squeeze this cushion instead.’ 

• Reinforce the boundary: ‘This is how we use safe hands and safe words.’ 

Providing Safe Physical Outlets 

Children often express their frustration physically, so it is important to offer them safe alternatives for their bodies. 

• Jumping on the spot or running outside in the garden. 

• Throwing a soft ball or beanbag against a designated wall. 

• Clapping hands or stamping feet in a playful rhythm to release tension. 

Encouraging Emotional Expression with Words 

Encourage them to replace harmful actions with helpful phrases. Practising these phrases through role-play at home will help them to recall and use them more naturally in a real situation. 

• ‘I feel angry.’ 

• ‘I do not like that.’ 

• ‘I need a break, please.’ 

Offering Creative and Calming Tools 

For many children, calming outlets can be just as effective as energetic ones when they feel overwhelmed. 

• Drawing or scribbling their feelings onto a piece of paper. 

• Using playdough or modelling clay for squeezing and shaping. 

• Taking three deep ‘lion breaths’ together to calm their bodies down. 

Praising and Celebrating Safer Choices 

When you see your child choosing a safe outlet instead of a harmful one, it is vital to acknowledge it immediately. 

• ‘I love how you chose to squeeze your cushion instead of hitting. That was a great choice.’ 

• Offer hugs, high-fives, or other small gestures of affection to strengthen the new habit. 

With time and consistent reinforcement, they will learn that these safer outlets are both effective and rewarding. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches us to channel our powerful emotions into actions that are controlled, patient, and reflective of our faith. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Ankaboot (29), Verses 45: 

‘…As indeed, praying restrains (mankind) from immoralities and all those irrational actions; and the remembrance of Allah (Almighty) is the greatest (form of assistance and guidance for mankind)…’ 

This verse reminds us that turning towards positive spiritual outlets, such as prayer and the remembrance of Allah, serves as a shield against harmful actions. In the same way that prayer can redirect an adult’s focus away from wrongdoing, a child can be guided towards a safe and constructive action when they feel frustrated. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 2500, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘If one of you becomes angry, let him remain silent.’ 

This hadith provides profound wisdom on redirecting a harmful impulse in this case, anger towards a calm and safe alternative: silence. By teaching your child to pause and select a better outlet for their feelings, you are aligning their upbringing with this prophetic guidance. By providing your child with practical and safe alternatives, you are not only protecting others from harm but are also nurturing your child’s emotional and spiritual strength. This guidance helps them grow into balanced and compassionate individuals, a quality beloved by Allah.