What should I do if they copy playground aggression to feel strong? 

Parenting Perspective 

When your child copies aggressive behaviour on the playground such as pushing, rough tackling, or shouting it can be very worrying. Often, a child behaves this way not out of a desire to harm, but from a need to feel powerful or to prove their worth to others. They may believe that aggression earns them respect or attention. As a parent, your role is to help them understand that real strength is found in self-control, kindness, and playing safely with others. 

Understanding the Motivation Behind the Behaviour 

Children often copy aggression on the playground for underlying reasons. 

• They want to feel strong or ‘in charge’ of a situation. 

• They have seen other children gain attention through aggressive actions. 

• They do not yet know safer ways to show confidence or join in a game. 

Recognising this motivation allows you to guide them with empathy, rather than responding only with punishment. 

Establishing Clear and Consistent Rules 

Ensure your child clearly understands the boundaries of acceptable play. 

• State the rule simply and firmly: ‘No hurting and no pushing. Play must be safe for everyone.’ 

• Explain the consequence beforehand: ‘If you play rough and hurt someone, you will need to take a break from the game.’ 

Your consistency demonstrates that aggression will not be mistaken for or accepted as a form of strength. 

Redirecting Towards Positive Forms of Strength 

Children need positive outlets for their natural energy and their desire to feel capable. 

• Enrol them in organised activities like sports or martial arts, where discipline and respect are core values. 

• Give them age-appropriate tasks that build genuine confidence, such as helping with chores or being trusted to lead a game responsibly. 

• Offer praise when you see them demonstrating fairness, teamwork, or leadership without resorting to aggression. 

Fostering Emotional Awareness 

Help your child to recognise the feelings that precede an aggressive act. 

• Ask gentle questions later, such as, ‘Were you trying to feel strong when you pushed earlier?’ 

• Teach them replacement actions, encouraging them to say, ‘Let us race!’ or ‘Who wants to play tag?’ instead of resorting to pushing. 

Modelling True Strength 

Show your child through your own actions that real strength is not loud or forceful. This approach helps to redefine strength in their eyes and provides them with a healthier example to follow. 

• Solve conflicts calmly and respectfully in their presence. 

• Praise examples of quiet courage you observe in others, such as someone admitting a mistake or helping another person. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam teaches that true power and strength are found not in physical dominance but in patience, discipline, and control over one’s own base emotions. 

Guidance from the Quran 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Anfaal (8), Verses 46: 

‘And obey Allah (Almighty) and His Prophet (Muhammad ﷺ), and do not dispute (with each other) as it may weaken (your ranks), and would reduce your strength, and show resilience; indeed, Allah (Almighty) it is with those people who are resilient.‘ 

This verse teaches us that true strength is preserved through patience and unity, not through disputes and aggression. Sharing this principle with your child helps them learn that true power is calm and steady, not disruptive or harmful. 

Guidance from the Hadith 

It is recorded in Sahih Muslim, Hadith 2609, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong man is not the one who throws others down. The strong man is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This hadith directly challenges the common misconception that aggression is strength. Sharing this wisdom with your child in simple terms ‘Real strength is about controlling yourself, not hurting others’ aligns their moral compass with prophetic guidance. By guiding your child with a firm yet compassionate approach, you help them to replace playground aggression with self-control and fair play. Over time, they will learn that true strength is not about overpowering others but about uplifting them a quality that builds genuine respect and is beloved by Allah Almighty.