How do I handle it if my child copies throwing things in anger? 

Parenting Perspective 

Watching your child throw things in anger can be distressing, particularly if they are copying this behaviour from others. It is natural to feel frustrated or embarrassed by this. We must remember that children often resort to physical actions when they do not have the vocabulary to express their powerful emotions. The objective is not just to stop the throwing, but to teach them healthier ways to manage their feelings. 

Understanding Why Children Throw Things 

Throwing objects in a moment of anger is frequently a child’s way of communicating frustration, disappointment, or a feeling of being overwhelmed. If they have seen someone else do it, they may have learned that it is a valid outlet for anger. Your role is to guide them towards safer and more constructive forms of expression. 

How to Intervene Calmly and Effectively 

When your child throws something, your immediate response is crucial. 

• First, ensure everyone is safe by moving any breakable or dangerous objects out of the way. 

• Address them with a firm but gentle tone: ‘We do not throw things when we are angry. Throwing can hurt people or break our belongings.’ 

• It is vital to maintain a calm voice. Reacting with anger yourself will only teach them to escalate the situation, not to resolve it. 

Redirecting Anger to Safe Outlets 

Provide your child with practical and safe alternatives for releasing their physical energy. 

• Designate a ‘throwing cushion’ or a soft ball that they are allowed to throw in a safe space. 

• Encourage other forms of physical movement, such as jumping on the spot, stomping their feet, or running. 

• Offer expressive activities, like drawing angry scribbles on paper or tearing up scrap paper. 

This approach helps them understand that while anger is a natural emotion, it must be expressed in a safe and acceptable manner. 

Building Emotional Vocabulary 

Many children act out physically because they lack the words to explain how they feel. You can help by teaching them simple, direct phrases. 

• ‘I am angry.’ 

• ‘I do not like that.’ 

• ‘I need a break.’ 

For example, when your child throws a toy, you could say, ‘I can see that you are angry. Let us put the toy down safely. Can you try saying, “I am angry” instead?’ With time and consistency, words will begin to replace the physical action. 

Modelling Self-Control 

Children learn a great deal by mirroring what they see. Show them how you cope with your own feelings of frustration. 

• ‘I feel cross, so I am going to take three deep breaths.’ 

• ‘I am walking away for a moment to calm down.’ 

This consistent modelling provides them with a blueprint for managing their own emotions. The ultimate goal is not to eliminate anger but to teach your child self-regulation, safety, and healthy emotional expression. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam places significant emphasis on managing anger in a way that protects oneself and others from harm. Guiding your child to channel their anger constructively is more than just a parenting technique; it is a fundamental part of nurturing a strong moral character. 

Controlling Anger as a Form of Strength 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Shuraa (42), Verses 37: 

‘And those people that avoid the major sins and immoralities, and when they become angry, they are readily forgiving.‘ 

This verse highlights that responding to anger with forgiveness and self-restraint is a quality of the righteous. By teaching your child not to throw things in anger, you are helping them to embody this divine characteristic. 

Following the Prophetic Example 

It is recorded in Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 6114, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The strong person is not the one who can overpower others. Rather, the strong person is the one who controls himself when angry.’ 

This teaches us that true strength is found not in outward displays of force, but in inner self-control. When you guide your child to use calm words or actions instead of throwing, you are teaching them the meaning of true strength. Each time you intervene with calmness and patience, you are planting the seeds of gentleness and resilience in your child. Over time, these qualities will become an integral part of their character, enabling them to face life’s frustrations without causing harm. By addressing their anger with both wisdom and mercy, you reflect the prophetic example and equip your child with the tools to become a balanced and compassionate believer.