How do I set boundaries when copied behaviour feels insulting? 

Parenting Perspective 

It can be especially hurtful when a child copies a tone, gesture, or phrase that comes across as insulting. Often, the child does not fully grasp the weight of what they are imitating; they may simply see it as something funny or bold. If left unaddressed, however, such behaviour can damage the respect within your family. Your role is to respond with calm firmness, setting clear boundaries that protect the standard of respect in your home without making your child feel personally rejected. 

Why Children Copy Insulting Behaviour 

Understanding the motivation behind the behaviour allows you to correct it with wisdom and steadiness. Children often imitate insulting actions because: 

• They have observed others gaining attention or laughter through such behaviour. 

• They have seen it modelled in media, at school, or even at home. 

• They are testing the limits to see how far they can push a boundary. 

State the Rule Clearly 

Do not allow insulting behaviour to pass without comment. Address it calmly but firmly. 

‘In our family, we do not use words or actions that are insulting. Respect is a rule we always follow.’ 

This consistency helps your child to see that this boundary is not negotiable. 

Separate the Child from the Behaviour 

Let your child know that you value them as a person, but that you cannot accept the insulting action. 

‘I love you very much, but I will not accept this behaviour. You are welcome to tell me how you feel, but not in a way that hurts others.’ 

This approach keeps the correction firm while avoiding shame. 

Teach Respectful Alternatives 

Guide your child to replace insulting words or tones with phrases that are honest but still respectful. 

• Instead of saying, ‘You are so annoying,’ they could learn to say, ‘I need a bit of space right now.’ 

• Instead of an eye-roll, they could learn to say, ‘I feel frustrated; can we please talk about this later?’ 

Enforce Boundaries with Calm Consequences 

If the behaviour continues, you must follow through with clear and predictable consequences, such as a temporary loss of privileges or time away from a certain activity. The key is to apply these consequences calmly, so the focus remains on the importance of respect, not on your anger. 

Praise Efforts at Respect 

Whenever your child successfully corrects themselves or chooses to communicate respectfully, be sure to notice it. 

‘I really liked how you explained your feelings just now without being rude. That shows real maturity.’ 

By combining clear boundaries with encouragement, you can help your child understand that respect is non-negotiable and that insulting behaviour has no place in your home. 

Spiritual Insight 

Islam strongly warns against insulting others, as it is an act that breaks trust, spreads harm, and reflects arrogance in the heart. Teaching children firm boundaries regarding their speech and behaviour is part of raising them to be responsible and respectful believers. 

Insulting or belittling others is strictly forbidden, as we never know a person’s true worth in the sight of Allah. 

Allah Almighty states in the noble Quran at Surah Al Hujuraat (49), Verse 11: 

‘ Those of you who are believers, do not let a nation ridicule another nation, as perhaps it may be that they are better than them…’ 

This verse reminds us that the one being mocked may hold a greater station with Allah. It is a powerful lesson in humility. 

A true believer is recognised by their refined and dignified speech. 

It is recorded in Jami Tirmidhi, Hadith 1977, that the holy Prophet Muhammad ﷺ said: 

‘The believer is not one who taunts, curses, or uses foul language, nor is he indecent.’ 

This hadith teaches that insulting words and behaviours have no place in the character of a believer. By setting firm yet compassionate boundaries, you show your child that insulting behaviour cannot be normalised. They learn that true dignity lies in respectful communication and that every word and action reflects both their character and their closeness to Allah.